1、如果有壹天，我嫁不出去，請把我埋在，非誠勿擾裏。
If one day, I can not marry out, please bury me, if you are the one.
2、人的桃花運，跟生理周期壹樣，都是壹陣壹陣的。
People's peach blossom luck, like the physiological cycle, is a burst of.
3、保護自己，愛護他人，請不要半夜出來嚇人。
Protect yourself and love others. Please don't e out in the middle of the night to frighten people.
4、各位女同事，請不要對我放電，我老婆有來電顯示。
Female colleagues, please don't turn on me, my wife has a call display.
5、橫溢的不只是才華，還有腰間的脂肪。
It's not just talent, it's also fat around the waist.
6、妳若安好，便是晴天，按這天氣看來，妳應該是掛了。
If you are well, it will be sunny. According to the weather, you should hang up.
7、在這個考試月裏，都不要直呼我的姓名，請叫我過兒。
In this exam month, don't call me by name. Please call me over.
8、小時候，我最喜歡玩捉迷藏，等別人藏好了，我就回家吃飯。
When I was young, I liked playing hide-and-seek best. When others hide away, I would go home for dinner.
9、看到妳我連食欲都沒了，還談什麽 *** ？
Seeing you, I've lost my appetite. What else do I talk about?
10、我就是巴黎歐萊雅，妳值得擁有！
I'm L'Oreal, Paris. You deserve it!
11、睡眠是壹門藝術，誰也無法阻擋我追求藝術的腳步！
Sleep is an art, no one can stop me from pursuing art!
12、穿低胸裝還拿手擋著，太沒公德心了。
Wearing low-chested clothes and holding hands is too unmoral.
13、每次跟別人吵完架，等躺在床上的時候，才知道當時應該怎麽罵。
Every time you finish a quarrel with someone and lie in bed, you know how to swear.
14、自從見到妳妹，妳這兄弟我交定了。
Since I met your sister, I've made a deal with you brother.
15、別人都說我很胖，其實我只是瘦的不明顯。
Others say I'm fat, but in fact I'm just thin and not obvious.
16、長得帥的踢鍵子都帥，長得醜的打高爾夫都像在鏟屎。
Handsome keys are handsome, ugly golf is like shoveling shit.
17、我也想好好學習啊，可是壹回家電腦就勾引我。
I also want to study hard, but the puter seduced me as soon as I got home.
18、最有魄力的是康師傅，每天都有成千上萬的人泡他。
The most courageous is Master Kang, who is soaked by thousands of people every day.
19、女子無才便是德，我想我壹定是太缺德了。
A woman without talent is virtue. I think I must be too immoral.
20、暑假作業我已經攤在陽臺上了，臺風妳自己看著辦吧。
I've spread my summer homework on the balcony. You can watch the typhoon yourself.
21、床，妳放開我，不要這樣子，我還要上學哇。
Bed, you let me go. Don't do that. I have to go to school.
22、穿別人的鞋走別人的路，讓別人既找不到鞋又找不到路。
Wear other people's shoes to walk other people's way, so that others can not find shoes and paths.
23、我對作業不仁不義，作業對我不離不棄。
I am not unkind to my homework, homework is not abandoned to me.
24、我希望在有生之年，趕上新聞聯播的大結局。
I hope that in my lifetime, I can catch up with the end of news broadcasting.
25、老天爺，妳能把這幾天要下的雨存儲起來嗎，等到軍訓時再還我！
God, can you save the rain for the next few days and return it to me at the military training?
26、解釋就是掩飾，掩飾就是不老實，不老實就是欠收拾！
Explanation is disguise, disguise is dishonesty, dishonesty is untidy!
27、早上起床我以為我壹夜之間長高了，結果才發現是我被子蓋橫了。
When I got up in the morning, I thought I had grown taller overnight, only to find that my quilt was crossed.
28、不是我不想當淑女，而是這世界把老娘逼成了潑婦！
It's not that I don't want to be a lady, but that the world forces the old lady into a bitch!
29、麻麻說我叛逆期怎麽整她，她更年期就怎麽整我。
Ma Ma Ma said that I rebel period how to rectify her, she climacteric how to rectify me.
30、數學老師帶我們在題海中遨遊，結果她上岸了，我們全都淹死了。
The math teacher took us to swim in the sea of questions. As a result, she went ashore and we were all drowned.
31、我曾經跟壹個人無數次的擦肩而過，衣服都擦破了，也沒擦出火花。
I've brushed past a man countless times, and my clothes have been scraped and sparks haven't e out.
32、發呆這事做得好是深沈，做不好就睡著了。
It's so deep that if you can't do it well, you fall asleep.
33、韓國整容，泰國人妖，其實都比不過中國的美圖秀秀。
Korean co *** etic surgery, Thai demons, in fact, are no better than China's beautiful picture show.
34、暗戀是成功的啞劇，說出來就成了悲劇！
Secret love is a successful pantomime, speaking out bees a tragedy!
35、為什麽別人看到我就想吐啊，是不是因為我太帥了。
Why do people want to throw up when they see me? Is it because I'm too handsome?
36、總覺得自己的性格不適合上班，只適合拿工資。
Always feel that their personality is not suitable for work, only suitable for salary.
37、自從放了暑假，我就把早餐給戒了。
Since the summer vacation, I have quit breakfast.
38、如果多吃魚可以補腦讓人變聰明的話，那麽我至少得吃壹對兒鯨魚。
If eating more fish can make people *** arter, then I have to eat at least a pair of baby whales.
39、就算再想哭，也要微笑著說壹句：妳大爺的！
Even if you want to cry again, you should say with a *** ile: Your uncle!
40、流量 *** 了話費，生下了壹個孽種叫停機。
Traffic raped the phone charges and gave birth to a kind of evil called outage.
41、不是兄弟不是人，實在是嫂子太迷人。
Not a brother, not a man, but a sister-in-law is so charming.
42、瞧我這記性，又把妳當人看了。
Look at my memory, and treat you like a human being.
43、世界上最痛苦的事就是從上課憋尿憋到下課，結果老師還拖堂。
The most painful thing in the world is to hold up urine in class until the class is over, and the teacher still holds up.
44、剪了短發不壹定是女王，也有可能是女神經。
A short haircut is not necessarily a queen, it may also be a woman's nerve.