① Goldfish金魚
Stan: I won 92 goldfish.
Fred: Where are you going to keep them?
Stan: In the bathroom 。
Fred: But what will you do when you want to take a bath? Stan: Blindfold（蒙眼睛） them! =================================================================== 斯丹：我贏了 92 條金魚。 弗雷德：妳想在哪兒養它們？ 斯丹：浴室。 弗雷德：但是妳想洗澡時怎麽辦？ 斯丹：蒙住它們的眼睛！
② The Revenge 欺騙的代價
Old Farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With a low voice he said to his wife: "When I'm dead I want you to marry farmer Jones." Wife: "No, I can't marry anyone after you." Johnson: "But I want you to." Wife: "But why?" Johnson: "Jones once cheated me in a horse deal!" =================================================================== 老農約翰遜就要死了。他的家人都站在床邊。他聲音低沈地對妻子說：“我死後，我想妳嫁給農夫瓊斯。” 妻子說：“不，在妳死後，我不能嫁給任何人。” 約翰遜：“但我希望妳這麽做。” 妻子：“為什麽？” 約翰遜：“因為瓊斯曾在壹筆販馬的交易中欺騙了我。”
③ I think that I'm a chicken 我想我是壹只雞
Psychiatrist: What's your problem? Patient: I think I'm a chicken. Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on? Patient: Ever since I was an egg! =================================================================== 精神病醫師：妳哪裏不舒服？ 病人：我認為我是壹只雞。 精神病醫師：這種情況從什麽時候開始的？ 病人：從我還是壹只蛋的時候開始。
④ How do I get the gum out我怎麽把口香糖取出來
Distributing chewing gum to the passengers, the stewardess explained it was to keep their ears from popping. When the plane landed, one of the passengers rushed up to her and said, "I'm meeting my wife right away. How do I get the gum out from my ears?" =================================================================== 當空中小姐給乘客們發口香糖的時候，她解釋說口香糖有助於他們防止耳鳴。飛機著陸後，壹位乘客跑到這位空中小姐面前，說道：“ 我馬上就要見到我妻子了。我怎麽才能把口香糖從耳朵裏面取出來呢？” 文檔沖億季，好禮樂相隨mini ipad移動硬盤拍立得百度書包
⑤ Where Am I 我在哪兒
An Englishman lost his way while he was driving in the countryside. He saw a farmer working in the field nearby, so he went nearer in his car and asked the farmer, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?" "Yes, " the farmer looked at him strangely and said, "you are in your car, sir." ================================================================= 壹個英國人在鄉下開車時迷了路，他看見壹個農民正在附近的地裏幹活。於是他就把車開過去問那位農民：“勞駕，您能告訴我我現在這是在哪兒嗎？” “可以。”農夫奇怪地看了看他，然後說道：“妳現在在妳的車子裏，先生。”
⑥ Why do you never phone me?妳為什麽不給我打電話？
Mrs Harris lives in a small village. Her husband is dead, but she has one son. He is twenty-one and his name is Geoff. He worked in the shop in the village and lived with his mother, but then he got work in a town and went ant lived there. Its name was Greensea. It was quite a long way from his mother's village, and she was not happy about this, but Geoff said, "There isn't any good work for me in the country, Mother, and I can get a lot of money in Greensea and send you some every week." Mrs Harris was very angry last Sunday. She got in a train and went to her son's house in Greensea. Then she said to him, "Geoff, why do you never phone me?" Geoff laughed. "But, Mother", he said, "you haven't got a phone." "No," she answered, "I haven't, but YOU'VE got one!" ==================================================================哈裏斯女士住在壹個小村莊。她的丈夫死了，但她有壹個兒子。他是二十壹，他的名字是傑夫。他曾在店內在村裏住在壹起，他的母親，但後來他得到了工作，在壹個小鎮，前往螞蟻生活在那裏。它的名字是綠海。這是從他母親的村莊很長的路要走，而她卻高興不起來這件事，但傑夫說，“沒有適合我的國家，母親什麽好的工作，我可以在綠海得到了很多錢，每個星期送妳壹些。“哈裏斯女士很生氣的最後壹個星期日。她得到了在壹列火車，去了她兒子的房子在綠海。然後，她對他說：“傑夫，妳為什麽從來不打電話給我？”傑夫笑了起來。 “但是，媽媽，”他說，“妳沒有接到壹個電話。”“不，”她回答，“我沒有，但妳有壹個！”
⑦ The Same Action Yields the Same Result相同的投資相同的結果
A couple of hunters chartered a small plane to fly them to a forest, and made an appointment with the pilot to come back and fetch them in about two weeks. At the end of the two weeks, they had shot a lot of animals that they wanted to load onto the plane. But the pilot said, "This plane won't be able to take more than one wild buffalo. You'll have to leave the others behind." Then the hunters protested, saying, "But last year, another pilot with the same airplane let us take two buffalos and some other animals in the plane as well." So the new pilot thought about it. He was a little bit skeptical, but finally he said, "OK, since you did it last year, I guess this year we can do it again." Then he loaded the two buffalos and a few other animals in, and the plane took off. Five minutes later, it crashed in a neighboring area. The three men climbed out and looked around, and one hunter said to the other, "Where do you think we are now?" The second one surveyed the area and said, "I think we're about one mile to the left of the place we crashed last year." ====================================================================== 有兩個獵人包機前往壹座森林，到了以後，他們和飛行員約定好兩周後來接。兩周後，他們射了許多動物，而且打算把這些動物全部搬上那架小飛機，可是飛行員說：“這架飛機除了 壹頭野牛外，沒辦法再多載了。妳們必須把其他的獵物都留下。” 獵人說：“但是去年另壹個飛行員開壹樣的飛機，就讓我們帶兩只水牛，還有壹些其他的動物上機！” 因為他們這樣抗議，所以那個新飛行員想了壹想後，盡管還是有點存疑，最後還是妥協說：“好吧！如果去年可以做到，今年應該也可以。”所以他裝了兩頭水牛和壹些其他的動物。結果飛機起飛五分鐘後，就墜落在鄰近的地方。這3個人從飛機爬出來看了看四周，其中壹個獵人對另壹個說：“妳認為我們現在在哪兒？” 那個人瞧了壹下，說：“我想大概距離去年墜機的地方西邊壹英哩遠！”
⑧ Chief is at the wedding 長官在婚禮上
A police stopped a motorist who was speeding on the street. "But officer," the man said, "I can explain." "Just be quiet," snapped the officer."I'm going to put you in jail until the chief gets back." "But ,officer, I …." "I said to keep quiet! You are going to jail!" A few hours later, the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "You are lucky because the chief is at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back." "Are you sure?" answered the man in the cell. "I'm the groom." ====================================================================== 大街上的壹個超速駕駛者被警察攔住了。“但是警官”這個人說道，“我可以解釋的”。 “保持安靜”，警察突然說道。“我將把妳送往監獄，直到長官回來。“但是，警察，我，，，”。 “我說過了保持安靜，妳要到監獄了。”幾小時後，警察向監獄裏看了看說道“算妳運氣好，因為我們的長官正在他女兒的婚禮上。他將帶著壹個愉快的心情回來的。” “妳確定”在牢房裏的這個人說道。“我就是新郎呀”。
⑨ Who Is the Laziest 誰最懶
Father: Well, Tom, I asked to your teacher today, and now I want to ask you a question. Who is the laziest person in your class? Tom: I don't know, father. Father: Oh, yes, you do! Think! When other boys and girls are doing and writing, who sits in the class and only watches how other people work? Tom: Our teacher, father. ====================================================================== 父親：哎，湯姆，今天我跟妳們老師談過，現在我想問妳個問題。妳們班上誰最懶？湯姆：我不知道，爸爸。父親：啊，不對，妳知道！想想看，當別的孩子們都在做作業、寫字時，誰在課堂上坐著，只是看人家做功課？湯姆：我們老師，爸爸。
⑩ Two Birds 兩只鳥
Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which? Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer. Teacher: Please tell us. Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow. ====================================================================== 老師： 這兒有兩只鳥，壹只是麻雀。誰能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀嗎？學生：我指不出，但我知道答案。老師：請說說看。學生：燕子旁邊的就是麻雀，麻雀旁邊的就是燕子。