英語四人話劇!幽默搞笑的話劇劇本《賴皮孫子糊塗爺爺》
演員:?P:?Pirate-Grandson.?M:?Mother.
F:?Father.?K:?King?-Grandpa.
旁白:?There?are?4?members?in?a?family,?Pirate,?a?7-year-old?naughty?boy.?His?mummy?is?a?beautiful?white-collar?worker.?His?dad,?Andy?Lau?is?a?famous?singer,?and?his?dear?grandpa,?King?is?a?kindly?old?man.?Pirate?loves?his?grandpa?most,?because?King?is?very?spoiling?him.?He?hates?his?parents.?Frankly?speaking,?he?is?afraid?of?them,?Because?they?are?very?strict?with?him.?.
正劇：(P,K出場)
P:?Old?King,?Open?the?TV,?I?want?to?see?Tom?and?Jerry.?I?love?that?mouse.?Quick!?No?time!?I?can’t?wait?another?second.
K:?Oh?dear!?I?nearly?forget?it.?Don’t?worry,?I?open?it?right?now.?(作開電視狀)
P:?Ha?Ha!?It’s?really?funny!?Tom?is?so?good!?(作高興狀)搞笑小品
Oh?no!?“The?End!”?Where?is?Tom?I?hate?the?end!?(摔電視機，liuxue86.com作極度氣憤狀)?Old?King!?(對K吼)
K：Oh,?what?a?pity?dog!?(作左顧右盼狀)?Your?parents?are?not?here?,and?we?can?change?another?one?,our?brave?Pirate,?just?tell?me.?I’m?sure?your?demand?will?be?satisfied.?(作充滿自信狀)
P：Really!?OK!?Now,?let’s?watch?Caribbean?Pirates!
K:?Humm,?No,?it’s?unfit?for?you……?(作猶豫狀)
P:?I?just?like?this?film,?Old?King,?you?tell?lies.?You?don’t?keep?your?promise.(作氣憤欲泣狀)
K;?Oh?yes,?I?play?it?for?you.?(作為難狀)?But?please?be?quite,?I’m?afraid?your?parents?wound?not?like?us?doing?these.
P:?Don’t?tell?so?much!?I?have?been?an?adult?man?of?7?years?old.?I?promise?it?to?you.?(作自豪自信狀)
K：OK.?(作舒心，安慰狀)
P:?Fight?him,?kill?him.?Throw?these?bad?guys?into?the?sea……?(高聲喊)
K:?Xu?……..?(作禁聲狀).?Remember?your?promise,?young?adult?man.
P:?Oh?What?promise?I?have?forgotten?it.?(作天經地義狀)
K:?Oh?!?You?are?right(作理解狀，因為Pirate壹貫如此，出爾反爾)
P:?Old?King.?I?give?you?an?honorable?mission.?(作自豪狀)?Be?my?horse,?and?I?will?ride?on?your?back?,?let’s?help?these?people?in?dangerous?situation,?just?like?a?brave?knight.(作勇敢狀)
K:?What!?Ride?on?my?back!?Be?your?horse!!(作驚異狀)
P:?Yes,?your?hearing?is?very?good,?any?question?(作若無其事狀)
K:?No,?No,?sound?a?good?idea!?Very?good!?You?are?a?brave?Pirate.?Now?come?on?my?back.?(作無奈狀)
P:?(作高興狀，作躍上馬背狀)?Hei!?Let’s?go!?Kill?all?those?bad?men.?Quick!?Run?quick!?.......?(意氣風發狀)
(M,F攜手進場):搞笑小品劇本
P:?Oh,?my?god!?Mummy,?Daddy!?(A,D作慌忙狀，擋在電視機前)
M:?Dad,?what?are?you?doing!?Naughty?Pirate,?isn’t?your?trick!?(作氣憤狀)
P:(作陽痿狀)?Mummy,?it’s?not?my?fault.?Old?king?let?me?massage?his?back.?Hei?Hei?(作心虛狀，以掩飾內心的恐懼)
M:?I?don’t?believe?it.?(作嚴肅狀)?Dad,?isn’t?really?that?(詢問K)
K:?Yes,?of?course,?I?can’t?image?a?child?only?5?year?old,?can?massage?so?good.?Oh…….?(釋然狀，因為圓了我的謊)
M:?Really.?I?don’t?believe?the?litter?pirate?can?massage,?who?taught?him.?(作懷疑狀)?Dear,?isn’t?you?
F:?No,?I?haven’t,?but?I?decide?to?enjoy?his?massage?another?day,?Do?you?think?so,?dear?
M:?Yes,?really?a?good?suggestion.
(P，D作驚恐狀。A：發抖，D：揮汗)
(P擋著電視怕被M、F發現，K也為P作掩飾)
P:?Mummy,?Do?you?feel?a?little?cold?
K:?Yes,?I?can?feel?it.?(邊揮汗邊說冷)
M:?No,?it’s?summer.?Really?hot,?do?you?catch?cold?
P:?No,?No,?just?my?feeling.?(更加發抖，壹不小心被B看到了電視)
M:?Pirate,?what’s?behind?you?(疑問狀)
P:?Oh,?nothing,?nothing!?(作驚恐狀)
M:?Move?away?.little?Pirate!?(作氣憤狀)
P:?Oh?no!?The?storm?will?come.?(捂臉作害怕狀)
M:?Caribbean?Pirate!?What’s?a?bad?film!?Little?Pirate!?(氣憤狀)
P:?Mummy,?I?surrender.?(作投降狀)
M:?Daddy?,this?film?is?unfit?for?him?,?it?is?full?of?killing，force?and?negative?passion,?and?it?will?let?him?become?bad?!
K:?I?know?that,?but?I?meat?to?let?him?watch?Tom?and?Jerry?and?he?like?it?very?much.?Yes?Pirate?(想轉移話題與Pirate站在同壹戰線)
P:?Yes,?a?very?clever?mouse?and?a?stupid?cat.?(作博學狀)
M:?Dad,?don’t?let?him?watch?so?much?TV,?it?wastes?a?lot?of?time,?and?it?is?bad?for?his?eyesight.?He?may?become?short-sighted.?(誠懇狀)
小品：“不差錢”
(2009年中央電視臺春節聯歡晚會節目)
Got the Money Anyway(舞臺上是壹個餐廳的背景，寫著：“蘇格蘭情調”。本山大叔穿著中山裝，身上背著壹串蒜頭，手上拿著野雞，拉著毛毛上場。)
(This short play is set in a restaurant named "Scottish Taste / Feel." Uncle Zhao, in his customary Chinese tunic suit, enters, carrying a string of garlic on his back and a pheasant in hand, with his granddaughter Yadar in tow.)
Uncle Zhao Here we are. 趙本山：到了。
Yadar Here we are. 毛毛： 到了。
Uncle Zhao It's the most expensive restrant in Tieling:蘇格蘭 調情~~~
趙本山：這就是鐵嶺最貴的壹家飯店。這不，蘇格蘭調情(tiáo qíng)。 Yadar You got it wrong –蘇格蘭情調!!
毛毛： 爺爺，妳念反了，蘇格蘭情調(qíng diào)。
Uncle Zhao 情調(qíng diào) All right, . We're gonna have our meal here anyway. 趙本山：啊，情調?就擱這兒吃。
Yadar But it's very expensive. 毛毛： 爺爺，這家老貴的啦。 Uncle Zhao So what? We've got the money, 30,000 yuan. Where's the bag? 趙本山：貴?咱帶錢了，帶三萬多塊，那包呢?
Yadar What bag? 毛毛： 我沒拿包啊。
Uncle Zhao The yellow one with the money in it.
趙本山：裝錢那包，黃包。
Yadar Oh no, I left it on the brick bed. 毛毛： 完了，讓我落炕上了。
Uncle Zhao oh,what can I do? I do all this just for you ,how could you forget it! Any money left on you?
趙本山：我說，妳這孩子還能辦點事嗎?!這給妳辦事，落炕上了還。兜裏還有錢嗎?
Yadar Let me see... (Fumbling) only 70-plus yuan.
毛毛： 兜裏，多少錢哪才?才70多塊錢。
Uncle Zhao Here's 400 more.
趙本山：我還有400。行，夠了。
Yadar Still not enough. 毛毛： 這也不能夠啊。
Uncle Zhao It’s ok. Waiter!
趙本山：哎呀，夠不夠就這樣了。服務員!