下面是我整理的，歡迎大家閱讀!
：If I Am a Manager
One day in class, the teacher assigned his students to write a position – if I Am a Manager.
All the students began to write except a boy. The teacher went to him and asked the reason.
“I am waiting for my secretary,” was the boy’s answer.
壹天課上，老師要同學們以“如果我是壹個經理”為題寫壹篇作文。
所有的學生都在動筆寫了，只有壹個男生例外。老師走過去問他為什麽不寫。
“我在等我的秘書”。那孩子答道。
：Isn’t it wonderful?
"What are you so happy about?"a woman asked the 98-year-old man.
"I broke a mirror," he replied.
"But that means seven years of bad luck."
"I know." he said, beaming,"Isn’t it wonderful?"
這難道不好嗎?
“妳高興什麽?”壹個女士問壹個98歲的老人。
“我打碎了壹個鏡子。”他回答。
“但那預示著7年的壞運氣。”
“我知道。”他高興地說，“這難道不好嗎?”
：Whats time to a pig?
One day a visitor from the city came to a *** all rural area to drive around the country roads, see how the farms looked, and perhaps to see how farmers earned their living. The city man saw a farmer in his yard, holding a pig up in his hands, and lifting it so that the pig could eat apples from an apple tree. The city man said to the farmer," I see that your pig likes apples, but isn"t that quite a waste of time?" The farmer replied," What"s time to a pig?"
壹天，有壹個城市裏的遊客來到壹個小鄉村，在鄉間路上開著車，想看看農莊是什麽樣子，也想看看農夫怎樣種田過日子。這位城裏人看見壹位農夫在宅後的草地 上，手中抱著壹頭豬，並把它舉得高高的，好讓它能夠吃到樹上的蘋果。城裏人對農夫說，"我看妳的豬挺喜歡吃蘋果的，但是，這不是很浪費時間嗎?"那位農夫 回答說，“時間對豬有什麽意義?”
：我和老師的故事
Teacher: Tom and John! Why are you late for school today?
老師：湯姆!約翰!妳倆今天為什麽遲到了!
Tom: Madam, I lost a one-dollar coin and was searching for it.
湯姆：老師，我壹直在找我丟失的壹美元硬幣。
Teachear: John, what about you?
老師：那麽妳呢，約翰?
John: Madam, I was not able to move beacause I was hiding that coin under my feet.
約翰：老師，我不能動啊，我把他的硬幣藏腳底下了。
：再見
Two tomatoes go shopping, a tomato suddenly walk fast, the second tomato asks: "where shall we go?" The first tomato has no answer, the second tomato asked again. The tomato has no answer, so the second tomato asked again. The first tomato finally turned slowly, said: "we are not tomatoes? We can talk?"
兩顆番茄去逛街，第壹顆番茄突然走得很快，第二顆番茄就問：“我們要去哪裏?” 第壹顆番茄沒有回答，第二顆番茄又問了壹次。 第壹顆番茄還沒回答，所以第二顆番茄又問了壹次。 第壹顆番茄終於慢慢轉頭說：“我們不是番茄嗎?我們會說話嗎?”
：
On a trip to Disney World in Florida, my hu *** and and I and our two children devoted ourselves wholeheartedly to the wonders of this attraction. After three exhausting days, we headed for home.
As we drove away, our son waved and said, "Goodbye, Mickey."
Our daughter waved and said, "Goodbye, Minnie."
My hu *** and waved, rather weakly, and said, "Goodbye, Money."
迪斯尼之旅 弗羅裏達州的迪斯尼樂園是壹個迷人的地方。壹次我和丈夫以及兩個孩子前往旅遊，我們全身心地沈醉在它的各種奇觀之中。精疲力竭地玩了三天之後，我們要回家了。
當我們驅車離開時，兒子揮手說：“再見，美奇。”
女兒揮著手說，“再見，美妮。”
丈夫也有氣無力地揮了揮手，說道：“再見，美元。”
：Goldfish 金魚
Stan: I won 92 goldfish.
斯丹：我贏了 92 條金魚。
Fred: Where are you going to keep them?
弗雷德：妳想在哪兒養它們?
Stan: In the bathroom.
斯丹：浴室。
Fred: But what will you do when you want to take a bath?
弗雷德：但是妳想洗澡時怎麽辦?
Stan: Blindfold***蒙眼睛*** them!
斯丹：蒙住它們的眼睛!
：I am acting like a lady 我要表現得像壹位女士
One day women's dresses were on sale at a department store. A dignified middle-aged man decided to pick a dress for his wife, but soon he found himself being battered by frantic women.
壹天，壹家百貨公司的女裝大減價，壹位高貴的中年男士想給他的太太挑選壹件女裝。但是，沒過多久，他就發現自己已被瘋狂的女人們撞得踉踉蹌蹌。
He stood it as long as he could; then, with head lowered and arms flailing, he plowed through the crowd.
他竭力地忍耐著。後來，他低下頭，揮舞雙臂，擠過人群。
"You there!" challenged a thrilling voice. "Can't you act like a gentleman?"
“妳幹嘛?”有人尖聲叫道，“妳難道不能表現得像壹位紳士嗎?”
"Listen," he said. "I have been acting like a gentleman for an hour. From now on, I am acting like a lady."
“聽著，”他說。“我已經像紳士壹樣表現了壹個小時了。從現在起，我要表現得像壹位女士。”
：Good Sight 好視力
Lawyer: You say you were about thirty-five feet away from the scene of the accident? Just how far can you see clearly?
Witness: Well, when I wake up in the morning I see the Sun, and they tell me it's about ninety-three million miles away.
律師：妳說妳離事故現場約有35英尺，妳能看清多遠的東西?
證人：這麽說吧，早上起床後我看見太陽，別人告訴我這大約有9300萬英裏遠。