英語幽默小故事五年級

Without you,my world began to dim;without you,my way forward was so obscure and vague.I regretted that last night I didn't cherish you well.So today--I have to buy another pair of glasses to take your place. 失去妳後，我的世界暗淡起來，沒有妳，我的前路竟然是那樣模糊、茫然。我後悔昨晚沒能好好珍惜妳，今天我只能再去――買副眼鏡代替妳。 Not every flower symbolize for love, but rose can do it; not every tree can stand thirst, but alamo can do it, not every pig can read short message, but you can do it. congratulations! 不是每壹朵花都能代表愛情，但是玫瑰做到了；不是每壹種樹都能耐住幹渴，但是白楊做到了；不是每壹頭豬都能看短消息，但是妳做到了。恭喜妳！ You may fall from mountain, you may fall from tree, but the best way to fall, is fall to my love. 1 day u'll B surprised 2C ME beside U. U & Me laughing, U&Me crying, U & Me dreaming, U & Me holding on, U & Me...just U & Me sitting in a MENTAL & ME CHECKING U. 壹天妳會很驚訝的發現我出現在妳身邊。妳我壹起歡笑，壹起哭泣，壹起夢想，依偎在壹起，壹起……只不過是妳我壹起坐在精神病院裏並且我（醫生）給妳（精神病人）做檢查。 Once god came up 2 me & granted me a wish. I asked 4 world peace. That's impossible, he said. 有壹次上帝來到我面前答應了我壹個願望。我說我要世界和平。“那是不可能的”他說。 Then I asked him 2 give u brains. He said, Let me try world peace. 然後我請讓妳變聰明。他說：“妳還是讓我試試讓世界和平吧。” Every morning I pray 2 God that everybody should get a friend like u, ... 每天早晨我都向上帝禱告：希望每個人都能夠擁有像妳這樣的朋友…… Why should I be the only to suffer... 為什麽只有我要忍受有妳這樣的朋友？ If u hide, I'll seek 4 u. If u r lost, I'll search 4 you. If u'll leave, I'll wait 4 u. If days take u away 4m me, I'll fight 4 u. 如果妳躲起來，我會去找妳。如果妳不見了，我會尋覓妳。如果妳離開了，我會等妳。如果日子會把妳帶走，我會為妳戰鬥。 But, if u stop sending msgs, I'll kill you. 但是，如果妳停止發短信息，我會宰了妳。 Logic Reasoning A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson on logic. "Here is the situation," she said. "a man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yellin g for help. His wife hears the motion, knows that he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?" A girl raised her hand and asked, "to draw out all of his savings?" 邏輯推理 小學四年級的教師正在給學生們上壹堂邏輯課。她舉了這麽壹個例子：“有這樣壹種情況，壹個男人在河中心的船上釣魚，突然失去重心掉進了水裏。於是他開始掙紮並喊救命。他的妻子聽到了他的喊聲，知道他並不會遊泳，所以她就急忙跑向河岸。誰能告訴我這是為什麽？” 壹個女生舉手答道，“是不是去取他的存款？” [註]bank在英語中除了我們平時很熟悉的“銀行”之外，還有“河岸”的意思。 Teacher: What great event happened in 1809? Little Willy: Abraham Lincoln was born. Teacher: Correct. And what great event happened in 1812? Little Willy: Abraham Lincoln had his third birthday. 林肯過生日 老師：1809年發生了什麽重大事件？ 小威利：亞伯拉罕-林肯誕生。 老師：正確。那麽1812年發生了什麽重要事件呢？ 小威利：亞伯拉罕-林肯過他的三周歲生日。 （壹） 小明上英文課時跟老師說：May I go to the toilet? 老師說：Go ahead。小明就坐了下來。 過了壹會兒，小明又跟老師說：May I go to the toilet? 老師說：Go ahead。小明又坐了下來。 他旁邊的同學於是忍不住問：妳不是跟老師說要上廁所嗎？怎麽不去？ 小明說：妳沒聽老師說“去妳個頭”啊！ （二） 壹對熱戀中的男女。女生非常沒有安全感，於是對著男友說：“ SAY I LOVEYOU!! SAY IT! SAY IT! SAY IT!” 男的答道：“I T!” （三） 壹位在美的留學生，想要考國際駕照。在考試時因為過於緊張， 看到地上標線是向左轉。 他不放心的問道：turn left？ 監考官回答:right。於是他立刻向右轉…… （四） 某人刻苦學習英語，終有小成。壹日上街不慎與壹老外相撞， 忙說：I am sorry。 老外應道：I am sorry too。 某人聽後又道：I am sorry three。 老外不解，問：What are you sorry for? 某人無奈，道：I am sorry five。 1 調查員:What is your father"s name? : 小 弟:Happy!! : 調查員:What is your mother"s name? : 小 弟:Smile! : 調查員:Are you joking? : 小 弟:No!!That"s my sister!! I am Kidding!!　 //corner.youth.cn/humor/index 裏面都是幽默笑話，妳自己可以找下啊。 推薦幾篇好了 i work for 7up"! 我可是在七喜公司工作呀 four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies. the nurse es up to the first man and says, "congratulations, you got ins." the man said "how strange, i'm the manager of minnesota ins." after awhile the nurse es up to the second man and says, "congratulations, you got triplets." man was like "hmmm, strange i worked as a director for the "3 musketeers." finally, the nurse es up to the third man and says "congratulations, you got ins x2." man is happy and says, "ironic, i work for the hotel "4 seasons." all three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place, cursing god and banging his head on the wall. they asked him what's wrong and he answered, "what's wrong? i work for 7up"! 四個好朋友在醫院裏碰面了,他們的妻子正在生產.護士過來對第壹個男人說:"恭喜,妳得了雙胞胎."男人說:"多奇怪呀,我是明尼蘇達雙子隊的經理."過了壹會兒,護士過來對第二個男人說:"恭喜,妳得了三胞胎."男人很喜歡:"嗯,又巧了.我是3m公司的董事."最後,護士跑來對第三個男人說:"恭喜,妳得了2對雙胞胎."男人很開心地說:"真令人啼笑皆非,我為四季賓館工作."他們三個都很高興,但第四個夥伴急得像熱鍋上的螞蟻,咒罵上帝並用頭撞墻.他們問他有什麽不對勁,他回答道:"什麽不對勁?我可是在七喜公司工作呀!" five hundred times 五百遍 in the traffic court of a large mid-western city, a young lady was brought before the judge to answer a ticket given her for driving through a red light. she explained to his honor that she was a school teacher and requested an immediate disposal of her case in order that she might hasten on to her classes. a wild gleam came into the judge's eye. "you are a school teacher, eh?" said he. "madam, i shall realize my lifelong ambition. sit down at that table and write 'i went through a red light' five hundred times." 在中西部壹個大城市的交通法庭裏，壹位年輕女士被帶到法官面前，她由於開車闖紅燈被開了罰單。女士向法官解釋，她是壹名學校老師，請求法官馬上處理她的案子，以便可以趕回去上課。法官眼中閃過壹絲狡黠，說道：“妳是學校的老師，對嗎？女士，我馬上要實現我畢生的願望了。在那張桌子旁坐下，寫‘我開車闖了紅燈’500遍。”（這個不錯吧，哈哈，剛開始還沒完全懂呢）