Professor Laurie of Glasgow put his notice on his door: "Professor Laurie will not meet his classes today."
A student, after reading the notice, rubbed out the "c".
Later Professor Laurie came along, and entering into the spirit of the joke, rubbed out the "l".
班和笨驢
格拉斯哥的勞裏教授在門上貼了這樣壹個通知：“勞裏教授今天不見他的班級。”
壹個學生讀了通知後，擦掉了字母“c”(lass：姑娘)。
後來勞裏教授來了，也想開開玩笑，他擦掉了字母“l”(ass：笨驢)。
Plagiarism
A friend of mine who teachs European history at Washington University in St. Louis tell about the time he spotted a plagiarized term paper. He summoned the student to his office. "This isn't your work." he said. "Someone typed it for you straight out of the encyclopedia.
"You cann't prove that!" the student sputtered.
My friend amiled and show him the paper. Circled in red was: "Also see article on communism."
抄 襲
我有個朋友在聖路易斯的華盛頓大學教歐洲歷史，他說有壹次他發現了壹篇抄襲的學期論文。他把那個學生叫到了辦公室。“這不是妳寫的，”他說，“有人幫妳從百科全書上原封不動地打印了下來。”
“妳沒有證據。”那學生氣急敗壞地說。
我朋友笑了，他把論文拿給他看。用紅筆圈出來的是：“也可參閱***產主義壹文。”
Virtue
Many years after receiving my graduate degree, I returned to the State University of New York at Binghamton as a faculty member. One day in a crowded elevator, someone remarked on its inefficiency. I said the elevators had not changed in the 20 years since I began there as a student.
When the door finally opened, I felt a compassionate pat on my back, and turned to see an elderly nun smiling at me. "You'll get that degree, dear," she whispered. "Perseverance is a virtue."
美 德
獲取研究生學位多年以後，我回到位於賓翰頓的紐約州立大學當教員。壹天，電梯裏很擁擠，有人抱怨電梯效率太低。我說自我在那裏當學生起，20年來電梯壹直沒有換過。
最後當電梯門打開時，我感到有人在我的背上同情地拍了壹下，回過頭來我看到壹位年長的修女正在朝我微笑。“妳會拿到學位的，親愛的，”她低聲說道：“堅持不懈是壹種美德。”
Difference
"I can always tell a graduate class from an undergraduate class," observed the instructor in one of my graduate engineering courses at California State University in Los Angeles. "When I say, 'Good afternoon,' the undergraduates respond, 'Good afternoon." But the graduate students just write it down."
區 別
“研究生班和本科生很容易就能區別開來，”在洛杉磯加利福利亞州立大學給我們研究生上工程學課的老師如此說。“我說‘下午好’，本科生們回答說‘下午好’。研究生們則把我說的話記在筆記本上。”
Flunking Math
My son, who made the dean's list in his freshman year at Ball State University in Muncie, Ind., called home a few weeks after starting his sophomore year as a psychology student.
"Mom," he said excitely, "I have found the answer to surviving college! It isn't the grades that are so important, but the quality of what is learned and how it is applied to daily life. I'm lucky to be having these wonderful experiences!"
"And just what does this mean?" I asked.
"I'm flunking math," he replied.
數學沒及格
我兒子是印第安那市曼西爾波州立大學的學生，大學壹年級就上了系主任的名單。第二年他學心理學，剛幾個星期他就給家裏打了個電話。
“媽媽，”他激動地說：“我找到了如何在大學裏生存下去的答案!重要的不是分數，而是具備將學到的知識應用於日常生活的素質。我很幸運地有了這種奇妙的經歷。”
“妳到底是什麽意思？”我問道。
“我數學沒及格。”他回答說。
Part-time Job
When my son was a hign-school sophomore, he got a part-time job sacking groceries at a supermarket. He came home all smiles.
"How was your first day?" I asked.
"It was great, Dad," he replied. "I got to talk to some good-looking girls."
Since Stephen is not very talkative, I asked, "What did you say to them?"
"Do you prefer paper or plastic?"
業余工作
我兒子在壹所中學讀二年級時，在壹家超級市場找到了壹份包裝商品的業余工作。他滿面笑容地回到了家。
“第壹天感覺如何？”我問。
“好極了，爸爸。”他答道，“我跟許多漂亮的女孩子講了話。”
由於斯蒂芬不善言談，我問道：“妳跟他們說了些什麽？”
“妳是喜歡紙包裝還是塑料包裝？”
Keys? Kiss?
A friend of mine was giving an English lesson to a class of adult who had recently come to live in the United States. After placing quite a number of everyday objects on a table, he asked various members of the class to give him the ruler, the book, the pen and so on. The class went very smoothly and the students seemed interested and serious about the work that they were engaged in until when my friend turned to an Italian student and said, "Give me the kays." The man looked surprised and somewhat at a loss. Seeing this, my friend thought that the student hadn't heard him clearly, so he repeated. "Give me the kays." The Italian shrugged his shoulders. Then, he threw his arms around the teacher's neck and kissed him on both cheeks.
鑰匙還是接吻
我的壹位朋友在給壹個成人學生班級上英語課。他們都是新近來美國生活的。在壹張桌子上擺了許多日常用品之後，他請全班同學給他挑出尺子，書本，鋼筆等。課進行得井然有序，學生們對自己所做的似乎很感興趣，也很認真。後來輪到壹名來自意大利的學生，我的朋友說：“給我鑰匙。”那人看起來非常吃驚，也有點手足無措。看到這種情況，我的朋友想是他沒有聽清楚，於是又重復了壹遍：“給我鑰匙。”那位意大利學生聳了聳肩。接著，他伸出胳膊摟住老師的脖子在雙頰上親了兩下。
Prepare Yourself
A story around campus has it taht a student once sent a telegram to his parents reading: "Mom - flunked all courses. Kicked out of school. Prepare Pop."
Two days later he received a response: "Pop prepared. Prepare yourself."
自己做好準備
校園裏流傳著這樣的故事：壹個學生壹次給父母拍了壹份電報，上面寫著：“媽媽－我所有功課都不及格，被學校開除。讓爸爸做好準備。”
兩天以後，他收到了回電：“爸爸已準備好。妳自己做好準備吧!”
參考資料：