三個老年人***中英***
Three old men were sitting around and talking.
三個老年人坐在壹起聊天。
The 80 year壹old said , "The best thing that could happen to me is if I would just to be able to have a good pee. I stand there for twenty minutes, and it dribbles and hurts. I have to go over and over again.”
八十歲的那個說:“我所希望能發生在我身上最好的事，就是我能正常的小便。我每次站在那裏二十分鐘，又慢又疼。我不得不壹次又壹次的去。”
The 85 year壹old said, "The best thing that could happen to me is if I could have one good bowel movement. I take every kind of laxative I can get my hands on and it's still a problem.”
八十五歲的那個說:“我所希望能發生在我身上最好的事，就是我能有正常的大便。我用過各種各樣的瀉藥，就這樣還是有問題。”
Then the 90 year壹old said，That's not my problem. Every morning at 6: 00 A. M. sharp, I have a good long pee. At 6:30 am sharp I have a great bowel movement. The best thing that could happen to me would be if I could wake up before 7 :00 A. M.”
九十歲的那個說:“這些都不是我的問題。我每天早上六點鐘準時小便，六點半準時大便。我所希望發生在我身上最好的事，就是我能在七點鐘以前醒來。”
三年級英語笑話小短文閱讀
聖誕節晚會***中英***
John woke up after the annual office Christmas party with a pounding headache,cotton壹mouthed and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening. After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him. "Louise,” he moaned, "tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?"
約翰在壹年壹度的聖誕節晚會後醒來，他覺得頭非常疼，嘴酸得說不出話來。他也想不起來前壹個晚上發生了什麽事情。去過了壹趟廁所，他來到樓下，妻子給他倒了壹杯咖啡。“路易斯，”他 *** 道，“告訴我昨天晚上發生了什麽事?比我想象得還要糟糕嗎?”
"Even worse," she said, her voice oozing scorn. "You made a plete ass of yourself. You succeeded in antagonizing the entire board of directors, and you insulted the president of the pany, right to his face.”
“比妳想得還要糟，”她的聲音充滿了輕蔑說，“妳真是醜態百出。妳和所有的公司董事作對。妳還當著公司的董事長的面侮辱了他。”
"He's an idiot,” John said. "Piss on him.”
“他是個 *** ，”約翰說，“就該沖他小便。”
"You did,” came the reply, "And he fired you.”
“妳正是這麽做的，”他的妻子回答，“他解雇了妳。”
"Well, screw him!” said John.
“哼，修理他!”約翰說。
"I did. You’re back at work on Monday.”
“我正是這麽做的。所以妳星期壹就又可以回去上班了。”
三年級英語笑話小短文學習
錯誤的警告***中英***
Years ago while attending a dinner party hosted by some friends of mine the hostess served a meal with this delicious mushroom sauce. After the meal there was a *** all amount left over and the hostess decided to allow her pregnant cat to enjoy the treat as well as the guests. The guests all felt it was a great gesture and showed the cat was a member of the family.
幾年前我參加壹個朋友舉行的晚餐聚會，女主人用自己做的美味的蘑菇沙司來招待我們。吃過飯後，還剩了壹些沙司，所以女主人決定讓她那懷孕的貓也像客人壹樣享受這美味。所有的客人都覺得，這個舉動顯示了那只貓就像是家裏的壹名成員壹樣。
The sauce was the highlight of the evening' s topic of conversation，everyone mented on how delicious it was，and the hostess beamed at all the pliments. One of the guest mented that toadstools were much like mushrooms except for being toxic，and how funny it would be if such a cultnary treat were made from that instead.
美味的沙司成了最受歡迎的話題，每個人都在說那沙司有多好吃。女主人也因為別人的誇獎而露出了微笑。壹個客人說傘菌除了有毒性以外和蘑菇很相似，如果用它來招待大家那可是太滑稽了。
As if on cue，the pet cat started crying and squirming on the floor, clutching its bel1y. The hostess exclaimed, "Oh my God, it's the mushroom sauce!”
就像是給了暗示壹樣，那只寵物貓開始在地上又叫又滾，還撓自己的肚子。女主人說:“噢，上帝呀，它吃的是蘑菇沙司呀!”
We all went to the emergency room in a mad rush, and had our stomachers pumped after telling them we had eaten poisonous mushrooms. This was an extremely unpleasant experience.
我們這些客人壹下子都去了急診室，在告訴醫生我們吃了毒蘑菇以後我們都被洗了胃。這真是壹件令人不愉快的經歷。
We got back，the cat was lying on the floor peacefully looking up at us, and had given birth to kittens.
當我們回來後，那只貓平靜的躺在地板上看著我們，它生小貓了!