下面是我整理的經典幽默 英語笑話 ，歡迎大家閱讀!
經典幽默英語笑話：The New Baby
Mr.and Mrs.Taylor had a seven year old boy named Pat.Now Mrs.Taylor was expecting another child.
Pat had seen babies in other people's houses and had not liked them very much，so he was not delighted about the news that there was soon going to be one in his house too.
One evening Mr.and Mrs.Taylor were making plans for the baby's arrival.This house won't be big enough for us all when the baby comes，said Mr.Taylor.
Pat came into the room just then and said，What are you talking about?We were saying that we'll have to move to an other house now，because the new baby's coming，his mother answered.
It's no use，said Pat hopelessly. He'll follow us there.
新生兒
泰勒夫婦有壹個七歲的男孩，名叫帕特。現在泰勒太太正懷著第二胎。
帕特在別人家看見過嬰兒，他不太喜歡他們，所以他對自己家裏也將有壹個嬰兒的消息感到不滿。
壹天晚上，泰勒夫婦正在為這個嬰兒的降生計劃做安排。泰勒先生說：有了嬰兒，我們的房子就太小，不夠住了。
帕特恰好在這個時候走進屋，他問：妳們在說什麽?他的母親回答說：我們在說我們現在得搬家，因為嬰兒就要誕生了。
那沒用，帕特絕望地說。他會跟我們到那兒去的。
經典幽默英語笑話：What Are The Two Words?
A very nice old lady had a few words to say to her granddaughter.My dear， said the old lady，I wish you would do something for me.I wish you would promise me never to use two words.One is?lousy?and the other is?swell?.Would you promise me that?
Why，sure，Granny，said the girl.What are the two words?
是哪兩個詞?
壹個非常高貴的老夫人有幾句話要對她的孫女說。我親愛的，老夫人說：我希望妳能幫我壹個忙。我要妳答應永遠不要用兩個詞。壹個是?討厭的?，另壹個是?極好的?。妳能答應我嗎?
噢，當然，奶奶。女孩說：是哪兩個詞?
經典幽默英語笑話：What's your name?
A very strict officer was talking to some new soldiers whom he had to train.He had never seen them before,so he began:My name is Stone,and I'm even harder than stone,so do what I tell you or there'll be trouble.Don't try any tricks with me ,and then we'll get on well together
Then he went to each soldier one after another and asked him his name.Speak loudly so that everyone can hear you clearly,He said,and don't forget to call me 'sir'.
Each soldier told him his name,unitl he came to the last one.This man remained silent,and so Captain Stone shouted at him,When I ask you a question,answer it!I'll ask you again:What's you name,soldier?
The soldier was very unhappy,but at last he replied.My name is Stonebreaker,sirhe said nervously.
妳叫什麽名字?
有壹位很嚴厲的軍官在對壹群交由他訓練的新兵訓話。他以前從沒見過這群新兵，於是他開始 自我介紹 ：我的名字叫Stone(石頭)，事實上，我甚至比石頭更強硬。這就是我為什麽要告訴妳們我名字的原因。不要試圖對我玩什麽花招，這樣我們就能很好相處了。
接著他開始走到每個士兵前面問他們的名字。說大聲點，讓每個人都能聽清楚。另外，不要忘記稱呼我為長官。他說。
每個士兵都對他說了自已的名字。他走到最後壹位士兵面前時，這個士兵保持著沈默。於是Stone隊長對他喊叫，當我問妳問題的時候，要回答!我再問壹遍，妳的名字，士兵?
那個新兵很不高興，但最後他回答了。我的名字是Stonebreaker(碎石機)，長官。他緊張的說。
經典幽默英語笑話：No Problem
A bald man took a seat in a beauty shop. How can I help you? asked the stylist. I went for a hair transplant, the guy explained, but I couldn't stand the pain. If you can make my hair look like yours without causing me any discomfort, I'll pay you $5,000.
No problem, said the stylist, and he quickly shaved his head.
沒問題
壹個禿頭的男人坐在理發店裏。發型師問：有什麽可以幫妳嗎?那個人解釋說：我本來去做頭發移植，但實在太痛了。如果妳能夠讓我的頭發看起來像妳的壹樣，而且沒有任何痛苦，我將付給妳5000美元。
沒問題，發型師說，然後他很快幫自己剃了個光頭。
經典幽默英語笑話：
The great painter was asked, one day to paint a picture of Pharaoh crossing the Red Sea. A little while after the picture had been commenced，a hitch arose over the fee，and Hogarth found that he would have to complete the commission for about half the sum he expected. When the work was com pleted， the patron was asked to come and inspect it.As a matter of fact，the picture was just one daub of brilliant red.
What's this? exclaimed the purchaser.I asked for theRed Sea， on the occasion of the celebrated passage.
That's it，replied Hogarth.
But，where are the Israelites?
They are all gone over.
Where are the Egyptians?
They're all drowned.
壹天，有人請這位偉大的畫家畫壹幅法老王渡紅海圖。這幅畫剛開始不久，酬金就出現了問題。霍迪斯發現，完成這幅畫後，他只能得到他想要的大約壹半的錢。當作品完成之後，那位主顧被請來看畫。其實，這幅畫不過是胡亂塗抹的壹片鮮紅。
這是什麽?那位買主喊了起來。我要的是紅海，是那次著名的航海。
這就是，霍迦斯回答說。
可是以色列人在哪兒?
他們都已經渡過去了。
埃及人在哪兒?
他們全都淹死了。
經典幽默英語笑話：人們什麽時候說話最少?
Teacher: What is the plural of man,Tom?
老師: 湯姆，?男人?這個詞的復數形式是什麽?
Tom: Men.
湯姆:男人們。
Teacher: Good. And the plural of child?
老師: 答得好。那?孩子?的復數形式呢?
Tom : Twins.
湯姆: 雙胞胎。
經典幽默英語笑話：我丈夫剛進來
The couple seated in restaurant seemed to be having a wonderful time. But as the woman glanced away from the table，their waiter suddenly rushed over.
在飯館裏坐著壹對夫婦，他們看上去非常高興。但是當那女子向旁邊瞥了壹眼時，服務員馬上跑了過來。
?Madam look,?he said.?Your husband just slid under the table.?
?夫人，您瞧,? 他說,?您丈夫滑到桌子底下去了。?
?No,he didn't,?she replied.?My husband just came in the door.?
?不，他沒有,? 她回答,?我丈夫剛從門外進來。?
經典幽默英語笑話：有兩條褲子
A young man came home from work and found his bride upset. "I feel terrible,? she said. "I was pressing your suit and I burned a big hole in the seat of your trousers.?
丈夫下班回到家裏，發現自己的新娘心緒煩亂。?我心裏太難受了，?她說。?我在給妳熨西裝時把褲子的臀部燒了個大洞。?
?Forget it ,? consoled her husband. ?Remember that I?ve got an extra pair of pants for that suit.?
?沒事兒，?丈夫安慰她說。?妳忘了我這套衣服有兩條褲子。?
?Yes,? said the woman, cheering up. "And it?s lucky you have. I used them to patch the hole.?
?是的，?妻子高興地說，?幸虧妳還有壹條，我後來就用它來補了這個洞了。?