Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.
Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.
他贏了
湯姆：約翰尼，妳小弟弟好嗎？
約翰尼：他害病臥床了。他受了傷。
湯姆：真糟糕，怎麽回事兒？
約翰尼：我們做遊戲，看誰能把身子探出窗外最遠，他贏了。
I Have His Ear in My Pocket
Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"
"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.
"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.
"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."
他的耳朵在我衣兜裏
伊凡鼻子流著血回到家裏。他媽媽問，“發生了什麽事？”
“壹個男孩咬了我壹口，”伊凡說。
“再見到他妳能認出來嗎？”媽媽問。
“他走到哪裏我都能認出他，”伊凡說。“他的耳朵還在我衣兜裏呢。”
A Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。
“昨天給妳的錢幹什麽了？”
“我給了壹個可憐的老太婆，”他回答說。 “妳真是個好孩子，”媽媽驕傲地說。“再給妳兩分錢。可妳為什麽對那位老太太那麽感興趣呢？”
“她是個賣糖果的。”
Drunk
One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."
"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"
醉酒
壹天，父親與小兒子壹道回家。這個孩子正處於那種對什麽事都很感興趣的年齡，老是有提不完的問題。他向父親發問道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什麽意思？” “唔，孩子，”父親回答說，“妳瞧那兒站著兩個警察。如果我把他們看成了四個，那麽我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子說，“那兒只有壹個警察呀！”
Hospitality
The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.
好客
由於客人在吃蘋果餡餅時，家裏沒有奶酪了，於是女主人向大家表示歉意。這家的小男孩悄悄地離開了屋子。過了壹會兒，他拿著壹片奶酪回到房間，把奶酪放在客人的盤子裏。 客人微笑著把奶酪放進嘴裏說：“孩子，妳的眼睛就是比妳媽媽的好。妳在哪裏找到的奶酪？” “在捕鼠夾上，先生。”那小男孩說。
英語小笑話
上個星期五我穿了壹件 Adidas 的衣服去打球, 壹個老美看到就笑我說, "Do you
know what does it mean? It means All Day I Dream About Sex.我整天都在想著
性, 縮寫正好是 Adidas) " 我正驚訝他怎麽反應這麽快, 聯想力這麽豐富時,旁邊的
壹個老美幫我解圍, 他說, 有壹個很著名的合唱團 Korn, 他們的招牌歌之壹就是
A.D.I.D.A.S, (All day I dream about sex)所以呢,這個典故可是很多老美都耳熟
能詳的喔! 下次就換妳去取笑老美了
簡單英語小笑話帶翻譯如下：
1.ass and man
驢和買驢的人
A man wanted to buy an ass. He went to the market, and saw a likely one. But he wanted to
test him first. So he took the ass home, and put him into the stable with the other asses.
The new ass looked around, and immediately went to choose a place next to the laziest ass in
the stable. When the man saw this he put a halter on the ass at once, and gave him back to
his owner. The owner felt quite surprised. He asked the man, "Why are you back so soon? Have
you tested him already?" "I don't want to test him any more," replied the man, "From the
companion he chose for himself, I could see what sort of animal he is."
中文：壹個買主到市場上去買驢，他看中壹頭外表不錯的驢，但是他想要牽走試壹試。他把驢牽回家，放
在自己其他的驢之間，這驢四處看看，立即走向壹頭好吃懶做的驢旁邊。於是，買驢的人立刻給那頭驢套
上轡頭，牽去還給驢的賣主。賣主感到很奇怪，他問買主：“妳怎麽這麽快就回來了?”買主說：“不必
再試了，從他所選擇什麽樣的朋友來看，我已經知道他是什麽樣了。”
2.The Looney Bin
瘋人院
Late one night at the insane asylum (瘋人院)one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!"
Another one said, "How do you know?"
The first inmate said, "God told me!"
Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did not!"
壹天晚上，在瘋人院裏，壹個病人說："我是拿破侖!"另壹個說："妳怎麽知道?"第壹個人說："上帝對
我說的!"壹會兒，壹個聲音從另壹個房間傳來："我沒說!"
Notes:
(1)Looney (俚語)瘋子
(2)inmate(n.同住者,同室者(特指在醫院、監獄))
(3)insane asylum (瘋人院)
3.A mother mouse
老鼠的第二語言也重要
A mother mouse was out for a stroll with her babies when she
spotted a cat crouched behind a bush. She watched the cat, and
the cat watched the mice.
Mother mouse barked fiercely, "Woof, woof, woof!" The cat
was so terrified that it ran for it's life.
Mother mouse turned to her babies and said, "Now, do you
understand the value of a second language?"
壹只母老鼠帶著孩子出來散步，突然她看見壹只貓正在灌木叢中虎視耽耽。
母老鼠向著貓叫道：“汪，汪，汪”，貓聽了非常害怕，拼命跑走了。
母老鼠回過頭洋洋自得的對孩子說：“現在妳知道外語的重要性了吧。”
這些都是簡單的啊~~~~