美式幽默英語笑話
假如我是壹個經理
One day in class, the teacher assigned his students to write a composition ? If I Am a Manager.All the students began to write except a boy. The teacher went to him and asked the reason.I am waiting for my secretary, was the boy?s answer.
壹天課上，老師要同學們以如果我是壹個經理為題寫壹篇作文。所有的學生都在動筆寫了，只有壹個男生例外。老師走過去問他為什麽不寫。我在等我的秘書。那孩子答道。
為什麽不呼救
Policeman: Why didn't you shout for help when you were robbed of your watch? Man: If I had opened my mouth, they'd have found my four gold teeth. That would be much worse.
警察：有人搶妳的手表時，妳為什麽不呼救呢?男子：要是我張口的話，他們就會發現我的四顆金牙，那就更糟了。
是我把他晾幹
Jim and Mary were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One day while they were walking by the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom. Mary promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.
When the medical director became aware of Mary's heroic act he immediately reviewed her file and called her into his office.
"Mary, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged because since you were able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you've regained your senses. The bad news is Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom，he's dead."
Mary replied, "He didn't hang himself, I hung him up to dry."
Jim和Mary都是精神病院裏的病人。壹天，他們沿著醫院的遊泳池散步，Jim突然跳入泳池的深水區，他沈到了底部。Mary立刻跳下去救他，她潛到水底，把Jim拉了上來。
當院長聽聞了Mary的英勇行為後，他立刻翻看了她的`病歷檔案,把她叫進了自己的辦公室.
?Mary，我有壹個好消息和壹個壞消息要告訴妳。好消息是妳能跳入水中救其他病人，這說明妳的意識已經恢復了，妳可以出院了。壞消息就是，Jim，妳救的那個病人，他還是用自己的浴袍帶子在浴室上吊自殺了。?
Mary說：?他沒有自殺，是我把他吊起來好讓他晾幹。?
沒想到那麽貴
A shoplifter 51kxh.cn |was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from a jewelry store. "Listen," said the shoplifter, "I know you don't want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch, and we forget about this?" The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook looked at the slip and said, "This is a little more than I intended to spend."
壹個小偷在壹家珠寶店企圖偷走壹只手表的時候被當場擒獲。?聽著，?小偷說，?我知道妳們也不想惹麻煩。我把這只表買下，然後我們就當什麽也沒發生，妳看怎樣?經理表示同意，然後列了壹張售貨單。小偷看著單子說道：?這比我最初的預算稍稍高了壹點，妳們還有沒有便宜壹點兒東西。?
死後重生
"Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees.
"Yes, Sir." the new recruit replied.
"Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went on. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you."
?妳相信人死後仍有生命嗎?老板問他的壹個員工。
?是的，先生。?這個新員工回答說。
?哦，那麽，這樣說來壹切就很正常了，?老板繼續說，?在妳今早離開，去參加妳奶奶的葬禮，她來看妳了。?
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