兩只鳥 老師： 這兒有兩只鳥，壹只是麻雀。誰能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀嗎？ 學生：我指不出，但我知道答案。 老師：請說說看。 學生：燕子旁邊的就是麻雀，麻雀旁邊的就是燕子。I've Just Bitten My Tongue
"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.
"Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?"
"Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "
我剛咬破自己的舌頭 “我們有毒嗎？”壹個年幼的蛇問它的母親。 “是的，親愛的，”Good News And Bad News
"There's good news and bad news," the divorce lawyer told his client.
"I could sure use some good news," sighed the client. "What's it?"
"Your wife isn't demanding that your future inheritances be included in the settlement."
"And the bad news?"
"After the divorce, she's marrying your father."
好消息和壞消息
“有好消息，也有壞消息，”離婚律師告訴他的當事人。
“我總能聽到壹些好消息吧，”當事人嘆了口氣說，“是什麽好消息？”
“妳妻子沒有要求將妳未來的繼承財產也劃入裁決的範圍。”
“那麽壞消息呢？”
“離婚以後，她將與妳父親結婚。”
The New Teacher
George comes from school on the first of September.
"George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother.
"I didn't like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too..."
新老師
9月1日， 喬治放學回到家裏。
“喬治，妳喜歡妳們的新老師嗎？” 媽媽問。
“媽媽，我不喜歡，因為她說3加3得6, 可後來又說2加4也得6。”
Lost Purse
A lady lost her handbag. It was found by an honest little boy and returned to her. Looking in her purse, she commented, "Hmmm... That's funny. When I lost my bag there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty $1 bills."
The boy quickly replied, "That's right, lady. The last time I found a lady's purse, she didn't have any change for a reward."
中文：
壹個女人丟了手提包，有壹個誠實的小孩撿到後交還給了她。她看了看錢包，說：“嗯，這麽有趣，我丟的時候裏面是壹張20美元，現在成了20張壹美元。”
“沒錯，夫人。”小男孩立刻回答道，“上次我撿到錢包時，那位夫人沒有零錢獎賞給我。”
英語小笑話
TOM'S EXCUSE
Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day?
Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, "School-Go
Slow".
湯姆的借口
老師：湯姆，您為什麽每天上學遲到？
湯姆：我每次路過拐角，壹個路標上面寫著："學校---慢行。"