Tell me again," asked the judge, "why you parked there?" The driver rose and answered respectfully(尊敬地), "Because, Your Honor, it said 'Fine for Parking'" (note: "fine" has two meanings 1) good 2) pay some money for doing something wrong.
2.Self-help
I went into a bookstore the other day and asked the woman behind the counter where the self-help section was. She said, "If I told you, that would defeat the whole purpose." (note: "self-help" has two meanings 1) you take without paying 2) you can choose as you like)
3.I Couldn't Digest So Many Apples
Doctor gravely(嚴肅地): "If you want to enjoy a long life, each time you feel like a drink. Eat an apple instead." Patient: "Sorry, I couldn't digest(消化） so many apples."
4.Is This a Question
A college student in a philosophy class was taking his first examination. On the paper there was a single line which simply said: "Is this a question? " A student wrote: "If that is a question, then this is an answer." The students received an "A" on the exam.
5.A Dollar Per Point
A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait. Once the test was over, the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying, "A dollar per point." The next class the professor handed the tests back out. This student got back his test and $64 change.
Time Is Money
As the taxi came to a screeching halt at a traffic light,I asked the driver,"Do you agree that 'Time is money'?" "Well,it's a very common saying.Who will care so much about that?"the driver answered . "Look,the digits in the meter are still running when the car has stopped,"I pointed at the meter. "Oh.yes.You've got a point here,In this case,time is money for both of us,"added the driver.
The Korean War Is Over
My husband's brother-in-law,Joseph,an American real estate agent,came to China for a short visit to our city.To show hospitality at the welcoming dinner party,Mr.Sun,the host,entertained Joseph with Chinese wine,saying,"According to our custom,a brother-in-law coming to his wife's native country for the first time must drink three cups of wine."Joseph declined the offer by saying,"Thank you,but I can't drink even one drop." "Then our dinner won't be over without your drinking at least one cup,"insisted Mr. Sun. To this,Joseph responded,"The Korean War is over,Don't attack the Americans any more."
men and beer
What do men and beer have in common? They're both empty from the neck up
That's once
A farmer and his brand new bride were riding home from the chapel in a wagon pulled by a team of horses, when the older horse stumbled. The farmer said, "That's once!"
A little further along, the poor old horse stumbled again. The farmer said, "That's twice!"
After a little, while the poor old horse stumbled again.
The farmer didn't say anything, but reached under the seat, pulled out a shotgun and shot the horse.
His brand new bride raised all kind of heck with him, telling him, "That was an awful thing to do."
The farmer said, "That's once!"
Buy me a $200 bicycle for my birthday
One day little Johnny went to his father, and asked him if he could buy him a $200 bicycle for his birthday.
Johnny's father said, "Johnny, we have a $80,000 mortgage on the house, and you want me to buy you a bicycle? Wait until Christmas."
Christmas came around, and Johnny asked again. The father said, "Well, the mortgage is still extremely high, sorry about that. Ask me again some other time."
Well, about two days later, the boy was seen walking out of the house with all his belongings in a suitcase. The father felt sorry for him, and asked him why he was leaving.
The boy said, "Yesterday I was walking past your room, and I heard you say that you were pulling out, and mommy said that you should wait because she was coming too.
"And I'll be DAMNED if I geDo you always wear a condom when you run?
Mary was having an affair during the day while her husband was at work. One day, she was in bed with her boyfriend Ralph, when she heard her husband's car pull in the driveway. She yelled at Ralph, "Hurry! grab your clothes and jump out the window, my husband is home early!"
Ralph looked out the window and said, "I can't jump out the window! It's raining like hell out there."
Mary cried, "If my husband catches us in here, he will kill both of us!"
So, Ralph grabbed his clothes and jumped out the window. When he landed outside he found himself in the middle of a marathon race, so he started running along side the others, only he was still in the nude, carrying his clothes on his arm.
One of the runners asked him, "Do you always run in the nude?"
Ralph answered, while gasping for air, "Oh yes, it feels so free having the air blow over your skin while you are running."
Then another runner asked, "Do you always run carrying your clothes on your arm?"
Ralph answered breathlessly, "Oh yes, that way I can get dressed at the end of the run and get in my car to go home."
Then another runner asked, "Do you always wear a condom when you run?"
Ralph answered, "Only if it's raining."
t stuck with an $80,000 mortgage!"