經典英語笑話集摘抄
早退***中英***
These two construction workers always noticed that their boss always left early on Fridays. So one asked the other that if the boss left early next Friday if he would want to also. The other man agreed.
兩個建築工人發現他們的老板總是在周五提前下班。所以，壹個工人問另壹個，如果下周五老板還早走，他們能不能也早走。另壹個人同意了。
Sure enough, when Friday came，the boss left early. Therefore，the two men left also. The one offered the other to join him down at the bar, but he decided to just head on home. When he arrived home，he heard a noise from upstairs. When he reached the top of the stairs, he noticed that the noise was ing from the bedroom. He opened the door and saw his boss sleeping with his wife, so he quietly closed the door and headed back down the stairs and out the front door.
不出所料，周五的時候老板又提前走了，因此他們兩個也走了。壹個工人邀請另壹個去酒吧，但是另壹個決定要直接回家。當他到家以後聽到有聲音從樓上傳來。他走到樓上時發現聲音是從臥室傳出來的。他開啟臥室的門看見他的老板和他的妻子在壹起，所以他輕輕的關上門，然後下樓沖出了大門。
He made his way down to the bar to see if his friend was still there and he was. His friend asked，"I thought you were headed home.”The man replied，"I did，but this is the last time I ever leave work early again.” His friend asked, “Why's that?" The man replied, "The boss almost caught me.”
他來到了酒吧，看到了他的朋友還在那裏。他的朋友問他:“我以為妳直接回家了。”那個男人回答:“我是回家了，但是這是我最後壹次早退，我再也不那麽做了。”他的朋友問:“為什麽?”那個男人回答:“老板差壹點抓住我。”
經典英語笑話集鑒賞
價錢***中英***
In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber. “I' m afraid I'm the bearer of bad news,” he said as he surveyed the worried faces. "The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It’s an experimental procedure, semi壹risky, and you will have to pay for the brain yourselves.”
醫院裏親戚們在等候室裏，他們家裏的壹員病得很重。最後，醫生走進來，他看上去有些疲憊和優慮。“我恐怕帶來了不好的訊息”，他看著那壹張張擔心的面孔說，“妳們挽救妳們最親愛的人惟壹的機會，就是大腦移植了。這種手術還屬於試驗階段，只有壹半成功的可能性。妳們要為移植的大腦付錢。”
The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone asked, "hell, how much does a brain cost?" The doctor quickly responded, “$5，000 for a male brain, and X200 for a female brain.” The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to *** ile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually looked.
家庭成員聽到這個訊息時都沈默地坐在那裏。過了很長時間，有人問:“天哪，壹個大腦要多少錢?”醫生馬上回答:“男性大腦要五千美元，女性大腦要二百美元。”這時氣氛變得尷尬。屋子裏的男性忍著不笑出來，避免和女人有眼神的接觸，但還是有人看她們。
A man, unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask，"Why is the male brain so much more?" The doctor *** iled at the childish innocence and so to the entire group said, "It' s just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the female brains，because they've been used.”
壹個男人終於控制不了自己的好奇心，問了壹個每個人都想知道的問題:“為什麽男性的大腦這麽值錢?”醫生對那個幼稚無知的人笑了笑，對所有人說:“這是標準的價格。我們不得不對女性的大腦減價，因為她們的大腦是用過的。”
經典英語笑話集賞析
魔鏡***中英***
One late night, a blonde was traveling when she passed a hotel and decided to stop for the night. When she entered the hotel，she rented a room for the night and on her way up, she heard some ladies talking in the hall about a secret mirror in the girl’s washroom on the bottom floor.
壹天深夜，壹個旅途中的金發女郎路過壹個賓館，她決定在那裏停下來住壹夜。她走進賓館租了壹間房準備住壹個晚上。當她上樓的時候，她聽到大廳裏壹些女人正在談論壹樓女衛生間裏有關神秘鏡的事情。
The blonde became so curious that she had to check it out. So, that night the blonde went to the girls' washroom on the bottom floor. When she got there she saw a line in front of a mirror in which she joined.
這個金發女郎對這個非常好奇，就決定去看壹看。那天深夜，她來到了壹樓的女衛生間。當她到了那裏時，看見在鏡子前面有壹群人在排隊，她就加人了進去。
Now the rule with this magic mirror was that she who told the truth in this mirror would be granted any wish she desired, but she who told a lie in this mirror would be sucked up into the mirror and never seen again.
站在鏡子前面的人必須講實話，那樣的話，魔鏡就可以實現講話人的壹個願望。但是，如果在鏡子前面不講實話，就會被鏡子吸進去再也出不來。
So the blonde watched, the first lady looked in the mirror and said，"I think I' m the most beautiful women in the world...” sssssshhhhhhhuuuuuuuupppp, she was sucked into the mirror and never seen again. The next lady in line went up to the mirror and said, "I think I’m the sexiest women in the world. . .” ssssshhhhhhhuuuuuuuupppp, she was sucked into the mirror and never seen again. Next the blonde went up to the mirror with total confidence and said，"I think. . .”ssssssssshhhhhhhhuuuuuuuppppp, she was sucked up into the mirror and never seen again!
就這樣金發女郎看著，第壹個女人看著鏡子說:“我覺得我是世界上最漂亮的女人。”“嘶嘶嘶僻僻僻……”她被鏡子吸了進去再也沒出來。第二個女人走到鏡子前面說:“我覺得我是世界上最性感的女人。”“嘶嘶嘶僻僻僻......”她也被鏡子吸進去再沒出來。接著那個金發女郎滿懷信心地走到鏡子前面說:“我覺得……”“嘶嘶嘶僻僻僻……”她也被魔鏡吸了進去再沒出來!