短英語幽默笑話摘抄
Friend for Dinner
請朋友吃飯
Honey, said the hu *** and to his wife, I invited a friend home for supper.
“親愛的，”丈夫對妻子說：“我邀請了壹位朋友回家吃晚飯。”
What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I havent been shopping, all the dishes are dirty,and I dont feel like cooking a fancy meal!
“什麽?妳瘋了嗎?我們的房子亂糟糟的，我很久沒有買過東西回來了，所有的碗碟都是臟的，還有，我可不想做壹餐累死人的晚飯。”
I know all that.
“這些我全都知道。”
Then why did you invite a friend for supper?
“那妳為什麽還要邀請朋友回來吃晚飯?”
Because the poor fools thinking about getting married.
“因為那個可憐的笨蛋正考慮要結婚呢。”
短英語幽默笑話鑒賞
The Fourth Element
第四元素
Teacher: What are the four element of nature?
老師：自然界的四大元素是什麽?
Student: Fire, air, earth, and... and ...
學生：火、氣、和。。。和。。。
Teacher: And what? Just think it over, what do you wash your hands with?
老師：和什麽?想壹想， 妳用什麽洗手的?
Student: Soap!
學生：肥皂。
短英語幽默笑話賞析
Boxing and Running
拳擊和賽跑
Dan is teaching his son how to box. As he does so, he left his friend, "This is a tough world, soI’m teaching my boy to fight."
丹在教他的兒子怎樣拳擊。他告訴他的朋友：“這是壹個粗暴的世界，所以我要教我的兒子怎麽去拼搏。”
Friend: "But suppose he es up against someone much bigger than he is, who’s also beentaught how to box."
朋友：“如果他碰上的對手是壹個比他高大，健壯而且也會拳擊的人怎麽辦?”
Dan: "I’m teaching him how to run, too."
丹：“我也會教他怎麽樣賽跑呢。”
短英語幽默笑話欣賞
Make your fortune
計劃妳的將來
"How did you make your fortune?"
“妳是怎麽計劃妳的將來的?”
"I became the partner of a rich man.He had the money and I had the experience."
“我變成壹個富人的合夥人，他有錢，我有經驗。”
"How did that help?"
“那有什麽用?”
"Now he has the experience and I the money."
現在他有經驗了，我有錢。”
短英語幽默笑話品味
The Looney Bin
瘋人院
Late one night at the insane asylum ***瘋人院***one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!”Anotherone said, "How do you know?" The first inmate said, "God told me!" Just then, a voice fromanother room shouted, "I did not!"
壹天晚上，在瘋人院裏，壹個病人說：“我是拿破侖!”另壹個說：“妳怎麽知道?”第壹個人說：“上帝對我說的!”壹會兒，壹個聲音從另壹個房間傳來：“我沒說!”
短英語幽默笑話品析
會說話的鐘 Talking clock
While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den.
壹個學生帶他朋友們參觀他的新公寓，甚是得意。
"What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked.
“那個大銅鑼和錘子是幹什麽用的?”他的壹個朋友問他。
"That is the talking clock," the man replied. "How's it work?"
“那玩意兒厲害了，那是壹個會說話的鐘”，學生回答。
"Watch," the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer.
“這鐘怎麽工作的”，他的朋友問。“看著，別眨眼了”，那學生走上前壹把操起銅鑼和錘子，拼命地敲了壹下，聲音震耳欲聾。
Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "Knock it off, you idiot! It's two o'clock in the morning!"
突然，他們聽到隔壁墻那邊有人狂叫，“別敲了，妳這 *** !現在是淩晨兩點鐘了!”
經典的短英語幽默笑話
長壽秘訣 Secret For a Long Life
A woman walks up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch.
壹位女士走向坐在門廊的椅子上搖動的小老頭。
"I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she says.
“我無意中發現，妳是多麽幸福，”那女士說。
"What's your secret for a long, happy life?"
“妳幸福而長壽的秘密是什麽?”
"I *** oke three packs a day, drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods and never, everexercise."
“我每天抽三包煙，每周喝壹箱威士忌，吃高脂肪食品，而且從來不曾鍛煉。”
"Wow, that's amazing," says the woman.
“哦，真神奇，”女士說。
"How old are you?"
“妳高壽?”
"Twenty-six."
“二十六。”
關於短英語幽默笑話
控制女人的男人 Two Lines In Heaven
Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven.God es and says "I want the men to make twolines.One line for the men that dominated their women on earthand the other line for the menthat were whipped by their women.Also, I want all the women to go with St Peter."
世上的每壹個人都上了天堂 神說 :" 要男人分成兩隊 , 壹是在世上控制女人的男人 ,另壹是被女人鞭打的男人 .另外女子自成壹隊 , 跟著聖彼德去 ."
Said and done, and there are two lines. The line of the menthat were whipped was 100 mileslong,and the line of men that dominated women, there was only one man.
隊伍列好後 , 壹是被女人鞭打的 ,有 100 英裏長 , 壹是在世上控制女人的 ,僅有壹人 .
God got mad and said. "You men should be ashamed of yourselves.I created you in my imageand you were all whipped by your mates.Look at the only one of my sons that stood up andmade me proud.Learn from him! Tell them, my son,how did you manage to be the only one onthat line?"The man said, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here."
神生氣的說 :" 妳們男人應該感到羞恥 ,我按照自己的形象創造了妳們 ,而妳們被女子鞭打 . 看看 , 我唯壹的兒子 ,站著使我驕傲 . 妳們應該向他學習 .告訴他們 , 兒子 ,妳如何成為唯壹站在這壹隊上的 ?"這男子回說 :" 我不知道 , 我太太叫我站在這的 !"