中國建設銀行 ——CBC（Construction Bank of China）——“存不存？”
中國銀行 ——BC（Bank of China）——“不存。”
中國農業銀行 ——ABC（Agriculture Bank of China）——“啊，不存”
中國工商銀行 ——ICBC（Industryand Commercial Bank of China）——“愛存不存”
民生銀行 ——CMSB（china minsheng bank）——“存嗎？傻比”
招商銀行 ——CMBC（china merchants bank co.ltd)——“存嗎白癡！”
興業銀行 ——CIB(china industrial bank)——“存壹百”
國家開發銀行 ——CDB（china development bank）:——存點吧！”
北京市商業銀行——BCCB（BeiJing city commercial bank）——白存存不？”
匯豐銀行 ——HSBC(Hongkong&Shanghai banking corporation limited)---還是不存”
二、
Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience. At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."
它們是從美國直接帶來的 壹位中國老婦人在美國看望女兒回來不久，到壹家市銀行存女兒送給她的美元。在銀行櫃臺，銀行職員認真檢查了每壹張鈔票，看是否有假。 這種做法讓老婦人很不耐煩，最後實在忍耐不住說：“相信我，先生，也請妳相信這些鈔票。這都是真正的美元，它們是從美國直接帶來的。”
三、
A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson on logic. "Here is the situation," she said. "a man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yellin g for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows that he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?" A girl raised her hand and asked, "to draw out all of his savings?"
小學四年級的教師正在給學生們上壹堂邏輯課。她舉了這麽壹個例子：“有這樣壹種情況，壹個男人在河中心的船上釣魚，突然失去重心掉進了水裏。於是他開始掙紮並喊救命。他的妻子聽到了他的喊聲，知道他並不會遊泳，所以她就急忙跑向河岸。誰能告訴我這是為什麽？” 壹個女生舉手答道，“是不是去取他的存款？” [註]bank在英語中除了我們平時很熟悉的“銀行”之外，還有“河岸”的意思
四、
An old lady went out shopping last Tuesday. She came to a bank and saw a car near the door. A man got out of it and went into the bank. She looked into the car. The keys were in the lock. The old lady took the keys and followed the man into the bank. The man took a gun out of his pocket and said to the clerk, “Give me all the money.”
But the old lady did not see this. She went to the man, put the keys in his hand and said, “Young man, you’re stupid! Never leave your keys in your car.Someone’s going to steal it!” The man looked at the old woman for a few seconds. Then he looked at the clerk—and then he took his keys, ran out of the bank, got into his car and drove away quickly, without any money.
上周二壹位老太太出去購物。她來到壹個銀行門口,看到壹輛車。壹個人下了這個車,進了銀行。她看向車裏，鑰匙還在鎖裏。老太太取了鑰匙,跟著男人進了銀行。那個人從他的口袋裏掏出槍,對店員說,“給我所有的錢。”
但老婦人沒有看到。她走向男人哪裏,把鑰匙拿在手裏,說:“年輕人,妳是愚蠢的!永遠不不要把妳的車鑰匙落在車裏，有人會偷的!”那人看了看老太太幾秒鐘。然後他看著店員,然後,他收起他的鑰匙,沒有拿任何的錢，跑出了銀行,進入他的車並很快開走了,。
五、
A businessman walks into a bank in San Francisco and asks for the loan officer. He says he is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan.
壹個商人走進舊金山壹家銀行裏咨詢信貸人員。他要去歐洲出差想借用5000美元。信貸員告訴他，如果要做這種貸款需要抵押壹些東西才可以。
So the businessman hands over the keys to a Rolls Royce parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.
於是這個商人把停在銀行門口的勞斯萊斯車鑰匙交給了他們。通過審核後，銀行同意了這筆信貸業務。壹個工作人員將這輛車開入銀行的地下車庫並且停好。
Two weeks later, the businessman returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.
兩個禮拜過去後，這個商人回來了，返還了5000美元，並且支付了利息15.41美元。
The loan officer says, "We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"
信貸員說：“很高興能夠同您順利完成這筆交易，但是我們還是有壹點小小的困惑。在您離開的這段時間，我們核實到您是壹個千萬富翁。那麽您為何會為了這區區5000美金而勞心費神呢？”
The businessman replied, "Where else in San Francisco can I park my car for two weeks for $15 bucks?"
這商人答復說：“在舊金山，難道還有其他地方可以寄存我的車而僅僅需要15美元嗎？”
六、
"I have a plan to end the war in both Iraq and Afghanistan. Here's what we do. We bring all our soldiers home. We send in our investment bankers. They'll screw up the place in six months. Six months!" --Jay Leno
“我有壹個計劃，可以結束在伊拉克和阿富汗的戰爭。我們這麽做。我們把我們所有的士兵撤回來。我們再送我們的投資銀行家去那裏。他們壹定只需6個月就能把那裏搞得壹塌糊塗。 只要6個月！”-傑·雷諾
七、
"A construction worker from Queens, New York, used Bernard Madoff's prison number to play the lottery and won. The guy won $1,500. Bernard Madoff, of course, is in prison for luring money from rich people in a giant scam that promised to make them richer. But don't confuse him with the state lottery, which lures money away from poor people in a giant scam that promises to make them richer." --Jay Leno
“紐約皇後區的壹名建築工人，用伯納德·麥道夫監獄號碼，買彩票中了獎。這個家夥中了1500美元。當然，伯納德·麥道夫被關在監獄裏，是因為他用‘保證賺錢’的巨大騙局，來吸走富人的錢。但是，請不要將他和州政府彩票所混淆。州政府彩票那是用保證賺錢的巨大騙局，來吸走窮人的錢。” ——傑·雷諾