靜靜(Aside )/介紹（Introduction）： Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways. Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”. But finally he failed. Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.
Action I
淩雲（上，掏出鏡子梳頭，做自戀狀）：Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world? 艷君(幕後)：It’s you, Prince Dan!（淩雲高興狀) Thank you mirror! But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth. I am so scared. So what can I do? (向幕裏大叫) Where is my minister?
岑(畢恭畢敬) : Honey, I am coming.
淩雲：I’ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、graceful 、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan”!
岑：Sure, honey! I have a good idea. We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~~~（作殺狀）
淩雲：Oh yeah~~~. Good idea! But who is the right candidate?
岑：After screening I have two promising persons on hand. One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JinKe. Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.
淩雲：Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK?
岑：Yes.
Action II
《十面埋伏》中劉德華&金成武決鬥時的音樂（岑放音樂）
鑫鑫Are you Li mochou?
艷君Yes.I am.And I am the best killer in the world.No one could beat me. So far ,I have already completed a number of assassination mission perfectly...(向太子丹）so if you chose me , I promise to not let you down！
鑫鑫OK. I’m Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers’ world.
李莫愁Hey,guy.Are you challenging me?You know that I am a very cold person...，so you must be careful, I will not be lenient.
艷君：and I will not be responsible to you……
鑫鑫so do I.（ 聳聳肩表示同意）
李莫愁OK!Come on!
岑 one ,two ,three,action!
兩人沖上前來
“人在江湖漂啊，哪有不挨刀啊，壹刀砍死妳啊，兩刀砍死妳啊。。
艷君倒地
鑫鑫大笑
艷君痛苦狀：I'm dreaming? What happened? Why aren’t you hurt?
鑫鑫: We don't need any reason to win a person. Don't we? Do we? （贏壹個人需要理由麽，不需要麽，需要麽？）
艷君：Momma always said: "Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou. You never know what you're gonna get." I got it, Momma is right. I always think I'm the best killer ……I was so excellent ……
鑫鑫再次大笑
艷君：Now I finally understand. The Big world, full of wonders.But, it was already too late.（不甘狀）No !it 's not the true,I'm the best in the world……
艷君：（向太子丹）You must be regret it……(被拖下去）
上（抱拳）：How are you?
鑫鑫：Fine, thank you, and you?
淩雲：Oh my God! Could you give me an innovative answer to “How are you”?
鑫鑫：Sure!
淩雲：How are you?
鑫鑫：Fine, thank you, and your wife?
淩雲無語
淩雲：Hey, man, I’m kidding!
鑫鑫：Oh, I’m kidding too!
鑫鑫：I am busy now!
岑：Hero，we need your help.
淩雲：You can get a lot of money.
鑫鑫：I am very busy now!
岑：IC, ID, IQ card?
鑫鑫：I am very very busy now!
岑(手指上場的美女，激動狀): Look! She is the most beautiful girl in the world. If you say O.K., she is yours.
鑫鑫（流口水）：I have to say she is a very sexy girl, but TCM is my only love!
岑：What? What’s the TCM?
鑫鑫; Hey, guy! Why you didn’t know TCM? Any of them can give you the answer.
岑：Excuse me? What’s the TCM?
靜（觀眾甲）：TCM - Traditional Chinese MM .
淩雲：I must show you the trump card. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Lipton Slimming tea. It is a brand new product of Unilever China.
鑫鑫（激動）：Slimming tea! I have dreamed of it for thousands of times. My wife always threatens to leave me if I couldn’t reduce my weight.
岑：You want? Speak up if you want! Why do you keep silent? Why are you looking at me? Although your eyes are full of sincerity, I’m very glad, you still have to speak up. Take it! Do you really like? Really?
（《No matter》（艷君放音樂），荊軻先與阿三跳探戈，擁入懷中，又甩出去，阿三做嘔吐狀。
鑫鑫(誠懇狀) Just tell me what should I do? I will do anything for you.
淩雲與岑（撞胯，擊掌）Yeah!
Action Ш
（《大話西遊》主題曲響起）（艷君放音樂）
鑫鑫挽著永霞，淩雲,岑在後.
岑：Hero, we have already reached Yishui River.
鑫鑫：Just stop here, please. Farewell, my friends
淩雲：I will miss you, baby.
（淩雲，岑下。停頓。《泰坦尼克號》主題曲起（艷君放音樂），鑫鑫與永霞做Jack和rose在船頭的經典造型，忽然荊軻看到壹個美女——此時壹個中國古典美女經過，向荊軻拋媚眼，並拋下定情手絹。荊軻高興的盯著美女看，妻子發覺不對，扭過頭來。）
鑫鑫（急忙收斂）：Darling, I love you.
永霞：I love you! You mean more to me than anything in this whole world! I can not live without you!
鑫鑫(流淚) ：Dear,I love you more.
永霞：Well. Be a man, just do it! I will be right here waiting for you forever.Don not worry about me.
鑫鑫（欲走還留，執子之手又曰）：Sweetheart! You must do me this honor... . that you will never give up... no matter what happens... promise me now, and never let go of that promis.
永霞:"I promise."
鑫鑫:"Never let go. “
永霞:"I promise. I will never let go, Jack. I'll never let go."I believe you will come back soon.
鑫鑫上船，漸漸遠去
永霞：It’s a good day to die. Never come back. Never…… Never……
永霞(掏出手機撥號，岑接手機)： Thank you very much. As soon as I get the life assurance $1000, 000, I will transfer half of it, $500,000 to your account.
岑：Okay okay!
靜靜：Then Jingke was sent to Qin and finally killed by Yingzheng.
艷君飄上：(面向觀眾）Hey,it's really a pity ! Is not it ?I have said they must be regret it! So I'm the best killer in the world...I have had enough cruel! Enough vicious!And the most important thing is I will not be the beauty of the temptation.
靜 :what!Who are you?How do you appear here?What do you want to do ?(護住自己）
艷君：You only need to know that if the killer is me,you'd be dead !