***壹***
宿舍季度通行證
A new dorm rule was announced.
新宿舍規範出臺了。
“The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, so too the male dormitory to the female students.
“女生宿舍將全面謝絕男生的光顧，男生宿舍也同樣不得進入女生。”
"Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time."
"不論是誰，壹旦違規，初犯將被***20美元。”
"Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60."
"第二次違規者要被***60美元。"
"Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $180. Are there any questions?"
第三次被抓住需要交180美元的***。還有什麽疑問沒有?”
"At this, a male student in the crowd inquires, “Er... How much for a season pass?"
"這時人群中壹個男同學問訊道，“那麽壹個季度通行證需要多少錢?”
***二***
壹個大膽的猜想
Our physics professor was struggling to draw the class into discussion of Archimede's principleof water displacement. He told us that Archimede noticed that when he got into a pool at thepublic bathhouse, the water rose spilling over the edge. Excited at his discovery, he ran downthe street yelling, "Eureka, eureka!" The instructor asked if anyone knew what that meant.我們的物理教授千方百計引導我們討論阿基米德的排水原理。他告訴我們阿基米德去公***浴池洗澡，他進入池子，發現水漲高了，溢位池沿。他對這壹發現十分激動，跑到街上高叫：“Eureka，Eureka!”教授問我們誰知道他喊的是什麽意思。One student stood up and answered, "I'm naked ! I'm naked!"壹個學生站起來答道：“我光 *** 啦，我光 *** 啦!”
小學英語簡短笑話欣賞
***壹***
狗也知道這個諺語嗎?Does dog know the proverb?
little boy did not like the look of the barking dog.壹個小男孩非常不喜歡狗狂叫的樣子。"It's allright," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don'tbite?"“沒有關系，”壹位先生說，“不用害怕，妳不知道這條諺語嗎：“吠狗不咬人。””"Ah, yes," answeredthe little boy. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?"“啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道嗎?”
***二***
失蹤 Disappearing Act
When a woman reported her hu *** and missing, the officer in charge looked at the photographshe handed him, then asked if she wished to give her hu *** and any message if they found him. "Yes," she replied readily. "Tell him my mother isn't visiting after all."
壹個女人向警察報案，說丈夫失蹤了。警察看過丈夫的照片，問女人如果他們能找到她丈夫，她有沒有什麽要和丈夫說的。女人很樂意地說：“是的，告訴他我媽媽不來了。”
經典的小學英語簡短笑話
***壹***
Running a red light
闖紅燈
Two guys were riding down the street in a car. They e to a red light. The driver runs the redlight. The passenger cries out "Hey, why did you do that?" The driver says, "Don't worry aboutit, my brother does it all the time."
兩個男人開車前行，路遇壹紅燈，司機呼嘯而過。乘客大叫：“嘿!妳幹嗎這樣做?”司機說：“別擔心，我兄弟經常這麽幹。”
They came to another red light, and the same thing happens. The passenger is visibly upsetand threatens to get out of the car the next chance he gets. At the next light, which is green,the driver slams on his brakes and es to a screeching halt***停***.
又遇壹紅燈，司機依舊呼嘯而過。乘客顯然憤怒了，威脅說如果下次再闖紅燈他就下車。路遇壹綠燈，司機猛踩剎車，車子嘎然而止。
The passenger is confused and asks, "What the heck is wrong with you? You ran two redlights but you stop at the green one."
乘客迷惑了，問道：“妳有病吧?剛才闖了兩個紅燈，現在綠燈了妳倒停了。”
The driver responds: "My brother might be ing from the other way!"
司機回答：“我兄弟可能會從那邊過來。”
***二***
The amazing golf ball
神奇的高爾夫球
A golfer, playing a round by himself, is about to tee off, and a greasy little sale *** an runs up tohim, and yells, "Wait! Before you tee off, I have something really amazing to show you!"
壹個高爾夫球手正要發球，跑上來壹個無限諂媚的小個子推銷員，喊到：“ 等壹下。在您發球前，我請您看壹樣超神奇的東西。”
The golfer, annoyed, says, "What is it?"
高爾夫球手頗感被打攪，說道：“什麽東西啊?”
"It's a special golf ball," says the sale *** an. "You can never lose it!"
“是壹個很特別的高爾夫球 - 壹個永遠不會被弄丟的球!”
"you can never lose it"，scoffs the golfer, "What if you hit it into the water?
“永遠不會丟的球”，高爾夫球手嘲諷地說，“如果球被打到水裏呢?”
"No problem," says the sale *** an. "It floats, and it detects where the shore is, and spinstowards it."
“沒問題。它能漂起來，還能探測到哪裏是岸，然後自己就能轉到岸邊。”
"Well, what if you hit it into the woods?"
“那麽如果掉到樹叢裏呢?”
"Easy," says the sale *** an. "It emits a beeping sound, and you can find it with your eyesclosed."
“簡單。它能發出嘟嘟聲，這樣妳就能循聲而至了。”
"Okay," says the golfer, impressed. "But what if your round goes late and it gets dark?"
“那如果天黑了怎麽找它呢?”
"No problem, sir, this golf ball glows in the dark! I'm telling you, you can never lose this golfball!"
“球會在黑暗中發光啊!壹句話，妳永遠不會找不到這個球。”
The golfer buys it at once. "Just one question," he says to the sale *** an. "Where did you getit?"
高爾夫球手當即買下這個球，隨口問了壹句：“妳從哪搞到它的?”
"I found it."
“是我撿到的啦!”