簡短的英語笑話（精選12篇）
英語笑話作為壹種城市化的民間口頭創作體裁，是壹種重要的交際手段。下面是我為大家收集的簡短的英語笑話（精選12篇），希望對大家有幫助！
簡短的英語笑話1
These Are My Jeans!
After going on a diet，a woman felt really good about herself----especially when she was able to fit into a pair of jeans she had outgrown long ago.
“Look，look.” she shouted while running downstairs to show her husband.“I can wear my old jeans again.”
Her husband looked at her for a long time，when said，“Honey，I love you，but these are my jeans.”
那是我的褲子!
壹個婦女在減肥壹段時間後自我感覺特別好——特別是當她又能穿上很早以前就穿不上的牛仔褲時。她跑下樓沖她丈夫喊道：“快看，快看。我又能穿上以前的褲子了。”她丈夫看了她好壹會兒，然後說：“親愛的，我愛妳。但那是我的褲子。”
簡短的英語笑話2The mean mans party.
The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."
"Why use my elbow and foot?"
"Well, gosh," was the reply, "Youre not coming empty-hangded, are you?"
吝嗇鬼請客。
壹個出了名的吝嗇鬼終於決定要請壹次客了。他在向壹個朋友解釋怎麽找到他家時說：“妳上到五樓，找中間那個門，然後用妳的胳膊肘按門鈴。門開了之後，再用妳的腳把門推開。”
“為什麽要用我的肘和腳呢？”
“妳的雙手得拿禮物啊。天哪，妳總不會空著手來吧？”吝嗇鬼回答。
簡短的英語笑話3All I do is pay.
"My family is just like a nation," Mr. Brown told his colleague. "My wife is the minister of finance, my mother-in-law is the minister of war, and my daughter is foreign secretary."
"Sounds interesting, " his colleague replied. "And what is your position?"
"Im the people. All I do is pay."
我要做的壹切就是付錢。
布朗先生告訴同事說：“我的家簡直就象壹個國家壹樣。我妻子是財政部長。我嶽母是作戰部長，我女兒是外交秘書。”
“聽上去挺有意思的'，”他的同事說，“那妳的職務是什麽呢？”
“我就是老百姓。我要做的壹切就是付錢。”
簡短的英語笑話4one day after school the teacher said to his students, "tomorrow morning, if any one of you can answer my first question, i will permit him or her to go home earlier."
壹天，放學以後，老師對他的學生們說：“明天上午，如果妳們當中的任何壹個同學能首先回答我的問題，我就準許他或她最先回家。”
the next day, when the teacher came into the classroom, he found the blackboard daubed(塗抹) . he was very angry and asked, "who did it? please stand up!" "its me," said bob, "now, i can go home. good-bye, sir."
第二天，老師走進教室時發現黑板被塗得亂七八糟，他非常生氣的問：“誰塗的？請站起來！”鮑勃說：“先生，是我，現在我可以回家了，再見！”
簡短的英語笑話5before the final examination, tom told his mother, "mom, i had a dream last night that id passed todays exam."
在期末考試之前，湯姆告訴他的母親：“媽媽，我昨天晚上做了壹個夢，夢見我通過了今天的考試。”
"dont trust dreams, dear. it is said what you experience in dreams usually turns out to be the opposite." mother replied.
“不要相信夢，親愛的。據說夢中的經歷通常與現實相反。”媽媽答道。
"then i do hope ill fail the other subjects in my dream tonight," tom said.
“那麽，我真希望在今晚的夢中，我的其他功課都不及格。”湯姆說。
簡短的英語笑話6Saving lives.
At a pre-med university in St. Louis, we had to take a difficult class in physics. One day the professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A student rudely interrupted to ask, "Why do we have to learn this stuff?"
"To save lives." The professor responded quickly and continued the lecture.
A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?" he persisted.
"It usually keeps the idiots like you out of medical school," replied the professor.
簡短的英語笑話7The mourners pain.
A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave.
The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, “Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?”
The first man approached him and said, “Sir, I dont wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than Ive ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?”
The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, “My wifes first husband.”
簡短的英語笑話8Black eyes.
A man came to work on Monday morning with two black eyes. His boss asked what happened.
The man replied, “On Sunday, I was sitting behind a big woman at church. When we stood up to sing hymns, I noticed that her dress was caught in her butt crack, so I was trying to be nice and I pulled it out for her. Then, she turned around and punched me in the eye.”
The boss asked, “Okay, so where did you get the other shiner?”
“Well,” the man said, “I figured she didn’t want it out, so I pushed it back in.”
簡短的英語笑話9Why should I give you money.
A very rich lawyer is approached by the United Way. The man from the United Way is concerned that the lawyer made over $1,000,000.00 last year but didnt donate even a cent to a charity.
"First of all", says the lawyer, "my mother is sick and dying in the hospital, and its not covered by healthcare. Second, I had five kids through three divorced marriages. Third, my sisters husband suddenly died and she has no one to support her four children..."
"Im terribly sorry", says the United Way man, "I feel bad about asking for money."
The Lawyer responds, "Yeah, well if Im not giving them any money, why should I give you any?"
簡短的英語笑話10The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guests plate.
The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.
由於客人在吃蘋果餡餅時，家裏沒有奶酪了，於是女主人向大家表示歉意。這家的小男孩悄悄地離開了屋子。過了壹會兒，他拿著壹片奶酪回到房間，把奶酪放在客人的盤子裏。
客人微笑著把奶酪放進嘴裏說：“孩子，妳的眼睛就是比妳媽媽的好。妳在哪裏找到的奶酪？”“在捕鼠夾上，先生。”那小男孩說。
簡短的英語笑話11One day, the father lets eight-year-old son send a letter. The son took the letter. The father then remembered he didnt write address and addressees name on the envelope.
After the son comes back, the father asks him: "You have thrown the letter into the mail box?"
"Certainly."
"You didnt notice that?the envelope does not have address and addressees name on it?"
"I certainly saw nothing written on the envelope."
"Then why?didnt you take it back?"
"I thought that you?did not write address and addressee, because you wouldnt let me know to whom you send the letter!"
簡短的英語笑話12The New Teacher.
George comes from school on the first of September.
"George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother.
"I didnt like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too....."
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