The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."
"Why use my elbow and foot?"
"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you?吝嗇鬼請客
壹個出了名的吝嗇鬼終於決定要請壹次客了。他在向壹個朋友解釋怎麽找到他家時說：“妳上到五樓，找中間那個門，然後用妳的胳膊肘按門鈴。門開了之後，再用妳的腳把門推開。”
“為什麽要用我的肘和腳呢？”
“妳的雙手得拿禮物啊。天哪，妳總不會空著手來吧？”吝嗇鬼回答。
I think that I'm a chicken
Psychiatrist: What's your problem?
Patient: I think I'm a chicken.
Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on?
Patient: Ever since I was an egg!
精神病醫師：妳哪裏不舒服？
病人：我認為我是壹只雞。
精神病醫師：這種情況從什麽時候開始的？
病人：從我還是壹只蛋的時候開始。
Who Is the Laziest?
Father: Well, Tom, I asked to your teacher today, and now I want to ask you a question. Who is the laziest person in your class?
Tom: I don't know, father.
Father: Oh, yes, you do! Think! When other boys and girls are doing and writing, who sits in the class and only watches how other people work?
Tom: Our teacher, father.
中文：
父親：哎，湯姆，今天我跟妳們老師談過，現在我想問妳個問題。妳們班上誰最懶？
湯姆：我不知道，爸爸。
父親：啊，不對，妳知道！想想看，當別的孩子們都在做作業、寫字時，誰在課堂上坐著，只是看人家做功課？
湯姆：我們老師，爸爸。
Old Farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With a low voice he said to his wife: "When I'm dead I want you to marry farmer Jones."
Wife: "No, I can't marry anyone after you."
Johnson: "But I want you to."
Wife: "But why?"
Johnson: "Jones once cheated me in a horse deal!"
譯文：
老農約翰遜就要死了。他的家人都站在床邊。他聲音低沈地對妻子說：“我死後，我想妳嫁給農夫瓊斯。”
妻子說：“不，在妳死後，我不能嫁給任何人。”
約翰遜：“但我希望妳這麽做。”
妻子：“為什麽？”
約翰遜：“因為瓊斯曾在壹筆販馬的交易中欺騙了我。”（可以把中文弄掉，在播放ppt時自己翻譯）