1：剛才來了個美女顧客，洗完頭後我問她需要什麽發型。美女說：“妳們店裏音響裏放的那個明星.....是誰來著，就她的發型。” 店裏在放Lady gaga的歌，我想了壹下，難度實在太大，於是把歌換成了李代沫的…………
2：
女兒： 媽！
媽媽：我有那麽老嗎？
女兒： 姐！
媽媽：說吧，啥事呢？
女兒：我沒錢了……
媽媽：找妳媽要去啊！
誰會講笑話。求壹個超級笑話。謝謝有壹天上帝在俯瞰民間的時候發現了壹個很窮的人，善心大發，想幫他壹下，就在此人每天出行常走的壹條路上扔了壹箱財寶，這人出門的時候突然想，我天天走這條路，今天換條路走，結果沒撿到財寶，給上帝氣的啊，活該妳窮，但還是希望幫他啊，沒辦法，就化身凡人直接去找那人，說，我給妳壹把弓三支箭，每射壹只可以實現壹個願望，上帝走後，這人心想， *** ，這世界這麽大我啥也沒看過啊，開開眼界吧，就射了壹只箭“啥JB都來”，什麽驢JB豬JB狗JB都飛來了，這人壹看 *** ，這不行啊，又射了壹只箭“啥JB都去”，驢JB豬JB狗JB都飛了，他自己JB也飛了， *** ，又射了壹只箭“我JB回”
求:適合幻兒園小朋友講的短篇小笑話,謝謝! 我本來是壹只天使，之所以留在人間，是因為體重的關系。。。。 我努力減肥，是為了有朝壹日能重返天堂。。。三年前，我能做三角函數，解多元高次方程，能背文言文，雖然我英語不太好，但我也知道either or 和neither
nor，知道辛亥革命的意義,會畫大氣環流圖~再往前,我能背化學元素表，知道氧化還原反應和中和反應，看的懂電路圖，知道牛頓三大定律，知道植物細胞有細胞壁而動物細胞沒有~現在我就是個文盲
今天在kfc，聽到壹個胖妹子對壹個微胖妹子哭訴說：別相信男人，沒有男人會喜歡胖子，他想把妳養胖就2個目的，壹是以為妳變胖了就沒法變心只能死心塌地跟他壹個，二是覺得妳胖了就買不到衣服，以後就沒心情逛街買衣服，長期下去就可以省很多買衣服的錢……
啊啊啊啊剛剛公交上我站著發呆突然有個白白的腦袋湊到我手邊我以為薩摩耶呢就順手摸了摸結果是個蹲下來系鞋帶的老太太的腦袋啊！被罵神經病了。。。
時間對每個人都是公平的，給誰都是每天二十四小時。別人比妳成功，是因為在妳遊戲追番刷微博的時候，他們的爹媽又給他們打錢了
在駕校工作的朋友壹臉遺憾地告訴我，自從他們的理論考試習題集中增加了「車行前方有情侶通過時，應加速行駛」之後，選擇“對”的考生絡繹不絕……
化學中有壹個神奇的東西，它不溶於酸不溶於堿不溶於鹽不溶於有機物。它水火不侵百毒不傷，無論是在噴燈上加熱還是通上高壓電都毫發無損，它擁有最穩定最優秀的化學性質，卻總被人遺棄，它的名字叫：雜質
她很早就傻樂著把他的號碼在手機裏儲存為男朋友,想反正死也不會被看到。有天班級聚會,他剛好坐她邊上,找不到手機,問她借電話打壹下,她忙稱沒他號碼,可已經被他壹把搶過手機,撥了起來,看著屏幕上跳出的三個字,她臉紅得想死,他微微怔了壹秒,隨後從包裏找到手機接起來說:餵,妳怎麽才打給我？
小姐妳發質很差，要不要…”“誒妳幹這行多久了？”“啊？我？幹了五年了”“哦。”（沈默）“小姐要不要辦壹張會…”“誒妳住在附近嗎？”“啊？對，對”“哦。”（沈默）“小姐…”“結婚了？”“啊？還沒”“家裏人不著急嗎？“呃，咳咳…”（沈默地剪完了頭發
告訴大家壹個恐怖的事實，千萬不要在2013年12月31日23點59分上廁所。否則妳明年才能出來
給女朋友講笑話狼入侵，小動物成立敢死隊對抗。螳螂：我有雙刀。刺猬：我滿身都是暗器。天牛邊晃觸角邊唱：哼！我有雙節棍雙節棍！哼哼哈哈！
深夜布什看到拉登站立在自己床前，批頭散發，布什大驚說：妳好大膽，敢夜闖白宮！拉登甩了甩齊胸的胡子，陰森地笑了，說：飄柔，就是這樣自信！
張生與心儀的女孩***進午餐，突然女孩大叫壹聲“張郎”， 張生幸福得暈過去，醒來後發現自己碗裏有只蟑螂。
屎殼郎與蚊子談戀愛，郎：妳啥職業？蚊：護士，打針兒的，妳呢？屎殼郎笑道：緣分吶，同行，俺是中藥局裏捏藥丸的。
壹天0跟8，6跟9在街上相遇，0不屑地看了8壹眼說：胖就胖唄，還系什麽褲腰帶！6看都不看9便說：酷就酷唄，玩什麽倒立！
魚說：“我時時刻刻把眼睜開是為了在妳身邊不舍離開。”水說：“我終日流淌不知疲倦是為了圍繞妳好好把妳抱起。”鍋說：“都快熟了還這麽倔。”
農民趕驢進城，遇到無賴，無賴問：吃飯沒有？農民說吃了，無賴說：我問的是驢。農民壹聽，轉身對驢就是兩耳光：城裏有親戚也不說壹聲
豬：嗨，熊！妳猜猜我手裏有幾塊糖？
熊：那，我猜對了，妳的糖給我吃嗎？
豬：嗯嗯，妳要是猜對了，我就把兩塊糖都給妳！
熊：嗯......我猜有五塊。
豬：（恨恨地把手裏的兩塊糖遞到熊的手裏）這是兩塊糖，那三塊我以後慢慢給妳吧。
求適合講給女朋友的笑話某大人對壹專門伺候主子的太監道：“*公公，俺給妳說個笑話，如何？”太監欣然歡迎，並側耳傾聽。該大人道：“那請公公聽好了！從前，有壹個太監……”。
太監等了很久，發現該大人就只說了這麽幾個字，便無比納悶的問道：“大人，下頭呢？”
該大人嘲弄道：“下頭？下頭沒有了。”說罷，盯著太監的褲襠，曖昧的笑著，譏刺而且不屑的眼神。
太監省悟過來，無語。
誰會講笑話、我要講給女友聽1、現在老王越發猖獗，為了防止女友出軌，我每天上班前都要把氣放掉，不然在工地搬磚都不踏實。
2、跟同事壹起吃飯，壹同事說，時間過得真快，90後都老了，聽得老子壹身冷汗，後來仔細想想，這關我屁事啊，我壹個80後。。。
3、太陽下山明天依舊爬上來，老子考砸明天還是壹樣的嗨！
4、今天的妳對我愛理不理，明天周五 晴轉多雲 氣溫28~37度。。。
5、昨天我走在馬路上，看到對面來了個帥哥。好激動。當我們擦肩而過時。我的包被搶了，我很傷心，為了這件事我哭了這壹個晚上，我實在想不通，我到底哪裏不如我的包。
有什麽笑話可以講給小朋友聽的網友，請采納壹下我的問題吧！
1.說有壹只北極熊，因為雪地太刺眼了，必須要戴墨鏡才能看東西， 可是他找不到墨鏡，於是閉著眼睛爬來爬去在地上找，爬呀爬呀，把手腳都爬的臟兮兮的才找到墨鏡。 戴上墨鏡，對著鏡子壹照，這才發現：哦，原來我是壹只熊貓
3.壹只北極熊孤單的呆在冰上發呆，實在無聊就開始拔自己的毛玩，壹根，兩根，三根，最後拔的壹根不剩，然後他就冷死了。
4.從前從前有壹只鳥，他每天都會經過壹片玉米田，但是很不幸的,有壹天那片玉米田發生了火災，所有的玉米都變成了爆米花!!!小鳥飛過去以後……以為下雪，就冷死了。
5.小明新理了發，第二天來到學校，同學們看到他的新發型，笑道：小明，妳的頭型好像個風箏哦！小明覺得很委屈，就跑到外面哭，哭著哭著，他就飛起來了。
6.蜘蛛愛上了蝴蝶，蝴蝶卻拒絕了它，蜘蛛問：為什麽？這是為什麽！蝴蝶說：我媽說了，整天在網上混的都不是好人．
7.夏日炎炎的壹天,兩只香蕉走在路上。走在前面的香蕉突然覺得好熱，他說，好熱哦，我要把衣服脫掉。結果他就把皮給剝掉了。 結果後面的香蕉就跌倒了。然後脫了衣服的香蕉就變成了香蕉幹~
8.有壹天，三個探險家終於尋找到"希望之谷"，傳說中，只要站在山谷邊大喊心中想要的東西，然後往山谷中跳下去，就會得到滿坑滿谷所想要的東西。於是他們三個決定試看看。
第壹個是個色鬼，因此他大喊"女人！女人！"往下壹跳果真有滿坑滿谷的美女正等著他.
第二個是個書呆子，喊了"書書書書書！"然後，跳到山谷裏也得到滿坑滿谷的書.
第三個是個優柔寡斷的人，左思右想總是無法決定自己的最愛，過了壹個小時以後，他終於下定決心，覺得還是鈔票最有用了，於是他走向山谷邊.壹不小心踢到壹顆石頭，他罵了壹聲"shit！"不料壹個重心不穩跌下山谷。
9.小明呢，就明天要考試窩，但晚上卻在看電視
小明媽媽就擔心地問：書都看完了嗎？明天要考試啊
小明就爽快地回答：媽，我看完了。
小明媽媽就很開心的贊揚小明：乖，那明天妳壹定考得很好呢
小明哭著說：媽，我是說，‘媽，我看，完了’。
10.熊貓深愛著小鹿，表達愛意時卻遭到拒絕。 熊貓大吼～為什麽？這壹切都是為什麽？ 小鹿膽怯地說：我媽說了，戴墨鏡的都是不良少年
11.有壹天小明走在路上！走著走著突然覺得腳很酸！為什麽會這樣呢?因為小明踩到檸檬了！
12.漢字當中哪個字最酷?丁字褲(酷)
巾”對“幣”說：兒啊。妳戴上博士帽，也就身價百倍了。
“尺”對“盡”說：姐姐，結果出來了。妳懷的是雙胞胎。
“臣”對“巨”說：和妳壹樣的面積。我卻有三室倆廳。
13.某日，壹個大學老師提問壹學生，樹上有十只鳥，開槍打死壹只，還剩幾只？
學生反問：是無聲手槍嗎？不是槍聲有多大？80-100分貝。在這個城市打鳥犯不犯法？不犯。您確定那只鳥真的被打死了嗎？確定。這時，老師已經不耐煩了：“，妳告訴我還剩幾只鳥就行了，OK？樹上的鳥裏有沒有聾子？沒有。有沒有被關在籠子裏掛在樹上的？沒有。邊上有沒有其他的樹，樹上還有沒有其他的鳥？沒有。如果有鳥懷孕了，算不算肚子裏的小鳥？不算。 打鳥的人眼有沒有花？沒有花，就十只。教師已經是滿頭是汗，且下課鈴響，但學生繼續問：有沒有傻得不怕死的鳥？都怕死。會不會壹槍打死兩只？不會。學生滿懷信心地說：，如果您的回答沒有騙人“打死的鳥要是掛在樹上沒有掉下來，那麽就剩壹只，如果掉下來，就壹只不剩。老師當即口吐白沫倒在地上！
14.壹天，有人經過十字路口，發現壹件超級恐怖的事，他發現卡卡西和孫悟空竟然在笑！
15.很久很久以前，有壹晚，池塘裏有三只蝦，哈哈哈，壹個女鬼放了壹個屁死了。
16.壹個搞生物研究的女外星人來到地球,轉了壹圈後,覺得人類基因有不少可借鑒之處,於是她抓了個男人,想把他和關於人類基因的文本資料壹起帶回。可飛船體積小,沒法帶他走，資料又過於龐大,不能壹次帶完。焦慮之際，飛船的電腦幫助系統道：“這人身上有壹根小小的棒子即可解決妳所有問題……”這時她才恍然大悟,笑著留著口水對那個男人說：“。。。。。把U盤給我！” 。
17.有壹個陷兒正過馬路，結果不小心被卡車壓癟了，他奄奄壹息的時候看了看自己的身體，他說：“原來我是豆沙餡兒的，不是肉餡兒的”
18.大哥，妳別在摸了！妳摸了上面摸下面，毛都讓妳摸掉了，這麽嫩的皮，被妳摸的都流水了！妳讓俺以後怎麽賣？這桃都是新鮮的，您不買就算了！
19.從前有只小羊，有天他出去玩，結果碰上了大灰狼。 大灰狼說：我要吃了妳！小羊大驚！妳們猜，結果怎麽了？結果大灰狼就把小羊吃了。
20.從前有個劍客，他人很冷，心很冷，劍很冷，最後冷死了
21.從前有壹只老虎在馬路上追壹只鹿！鹿大驚於是越跑越快，最後就變成了高速公路
22.有壹個西紅柿，被石頭拌了壹跤吧嗒摔爛了，又有壹個西紅柿吧嗒又摔爛了，還有壹個西紅柿吧嗒吧嗒吧嗒吧嗒吧嗒無數個西紅柿摔爛了最後壹個西紅柿也摔倒了啊嗒耶！番茄醬耶！
23.士兵問連長：作戰時踩到地雷咋辦？連長大為惱火：靠，能咋辦？踩壞了照價賠償。
24.壹天，三只小豬為了躲避大灰狼的追趕，而建造了三個小屋。大灰狼不費勁的吹毀了草屋，木屋，磚屋，三只小豬們拼命的跑，但是還是被大灰狼追上了。三只小豬絕望地說，妳看著辦吧。我們放棄了，隨妳怎樣。此時，大灰狼奸笑著，留著口水說：那快告訴我小紅帽在哪裏？
25.大象把大便排在路中央，壹只螞蟻正好路過，它擡頭望了望那雲霧繚繞的頂峰，不禁唱到：呀啦索，這就是青藏高原！~~~~
我打了很久的，采納壹下吧！
1 say to have a polar bear, because the snow is too dazzling, must wear sunglasses to see things, but he could not find his glasses, then closed his eyes to climb on the ground, climb up, the hands and feet up the dirty to find sunglasses. Wear a pair of sunglasses, a mirror to shine, it found that: Oh, I'm a panda
3 a polar bear to stay alone in a daze ice, really boring started pulling their hair, one, o, three, the last one left, and then he cold dead.
4 once upon a time there lived a bird, he every day through a corn field, but unfortunately, a fire one day the cornfield, all corn into popcorn!!! The bird flew past later...... That the snow, cold dead.
5 Xiao Ming Li of the new hair, the second day came to the school, the students saw his new hairstyle, *** iles: Xiao Ming, your head like a kite oh! Xiao Ming feel wronged, they ran out crying, crying tears, he would fly up.
6 spider fell in love with the butterfly, butterfly refused it, spider ask: why? This is why! Butterfly said: my mom said, mixing all day on the Inter are not good
The 7 summer day, o bananas walk on the road. Walk in front of the banana suddenly feel very hot, he said, good hot Oh, I want to take your clothes off. He put the skin to peel away. Results fell behind the banana. Then undressed banana bees dried banana
8 one day, three explorer finally find the "valley of hope", aording to legend, just stand in the valley edge shouting what you want, then jump into Valley in large numbers, get what you want. So the three of them decided to try to have a look.
The first is a goat, so he shouted, "a woman! The woman! "There was a jump down in large numbers beauty waiting for him
The second is a nerd, shouted "book book book book book! "Then, jumping into the valley has been in large numbers of books
The third is a person always irresolute and hesitant, think of this way and that is not for them to decide the most love, an hour later, he finally determined, feel or money is the most useful, so he went to the valley edge. Aidentally kicked a stone, he scolded "shit! "But an unstable center of gravity down the valley.
9 Xiaoming, will have an exam tomorrow nest, but the night was to watch TV
Xiao Ming mother asked: books are finished? Have an exam tomorrow
Xiaoming readily replied: Mom, I finished.
Xiao Ming mother very happy praise Xiaoming: good, that tomorrow you will do a good job
Xiao Ming cried and said: Mom, I said, 'Mom, I see,.'.
The 10 panda love deer, expression love but was rejected. The panda roar ~ why? All this is why? The fawn timidly say: my mother said, wearing sunglasses is bad boy
11 one day Xiaoming go on the road! Walked suddenly feel the foot is very acid! Why? Because he stepped on a lemon!
Among the 12 Chinese characters which word is the coolest? G-string (cool)
Towel "to" money "says: my son. You wear a doctor cap, also have a sudden rise in social status.
"Rule" to "do" said: the elder sister, the results e out. You are carrying ins.
"I" to "giant" said: and you have the same area. I have 3 rooms o hall.
13 one day, a university teacher asked a student, there are ten birds in the tree, shot and killed one, how many are left?
The students asked: is the silent pistol? No gunshots have how old? 80-100 db. Hits the bird in this city to violate the law? Don't make. Are you sure that bird was killed? Determine. At this time, the teacher was already impatient: ", you told me a few birds left to go, OK? There is no deaf birds on the tree? No. There is no was shut in a cage hanging in the trees? No. There is no other tree, the tree has no other bird? No. If the birds were pregnant, calculate do not calculate in the belly of a bird? Don't count. Human bird have flowers? No flower, have ten only. The teacher was already sweating, and finishes class the bell sound, but the students continue to ask: is there any silly not afraid dead birds? All fear death. Will not shoot o? Can't. Students with full confidence, said: if you answer no lie "killed if the bird hanging did not fall in the tree, then remains one, if you fall, does not remain. The teacher was foaming at the mouth and fell to the ground!
The 14 day, people pass the crossroads, found a super bloodcurdling thing, he found that Kakashi and Sun Wukong even in laughter!
15 a long time ago, one night, there are only three shrimp pond, ha ha ha, a ghost put a fart die.
16 a biological study of female aliens came to earth, a circle, think the human gene has many lessons, she caught a man, want to put him back in and about human gene text data. But its *** all size, don't take him away, data too large, not a band. The anxiety, the ship's puter help system way: "this person has a *** all stick can solve all of your problems......" Then she could see light suddenly, *** ile and keep slobber said to the man:"..... The U disk to me!".
17 there is a depression, crossing the road, was aidentally truck tyre, be at one's last gasp when he looked at his body, he said: "I was sweetened bean paste stuffing, not the meat stuffing"
The 18 eldest brother, you don't touch! You touch touch the hair above, let you feel lost, so tender skin, be felt by you running water! You let me how to sell? This peach is fresh, you do not buy it!
19 once upon a time there was little sheep, one day he went out to play, the results hit the big bad wolf. The wolf said: I want to eat you!!! The big surprise! Guess what, result how? Results the wolf ate the lamb.
20 once upon a time there was a sword *** an, he is very cold, cold heart, sword is cold, the cold dead
21 once upon a time there was a tiger chasing a deer in the street! The deer was surprised and ran faster and faster, finally bees a freeway
22 there is a tomato, was stone mix of Bata broken, and a tomato kipper and broken, and a tomato TA TA TA TA TA countless tomatoes *** ashed. Finally a tomato fell Ah Da! Tomato sauce!
23 the mander of the soldiers asked: Combat stepped on landmines? Even grew up as the angry: depend, can do? Trampled the pensation.
The 24 day, the three little pigs to avoid the wolf's pursuit, and built three cabin. The wolf not laborious blow ruined grass, wood, brick house, the three little pigs are desperately run, but was caught up with the wolf. The three little pigs desperate to say, you do it. We give up, whatever you do. At this time, the wolf crafty *** ile, keep slobber said: please tell me where is the Little Red Riding Hood?
25 elephants in the stool Pai Road Central, one of ants is pass by, the peak, it looked to the cloud can not help but sing: ah cable, this is the Qinghai Tibet plateau! ~ ~ ~ ~
兒童笑話誰那有比較好笑的，講給小朋友聽的。1、弟弟說：“太陽的膽子真小！”
哥哥說：“何以見得呢？”
弟弟說：“因為它要白天才敢出來呢
2、小毛上幼兒園了，有壹天，老師問：“誰知道世界上有多少個國家啊？”
小毛說：“我知道！”
老師說：“那妳說說都有哪些國家。”
小毛說：“有兩個國家，就是中國和外國！”
3、有壹小女孩今年5歲多，她生長在北京，每年放假總要回鄉下的外婆家裏。正巧這年她回外婆家住的時候，外婆的村裏有壹個女孩要出嫁，外婆帶著她去吃喜飯。飯桌上人們都紛紛議論這個女孩子真是好命，嫁到了首都北京。這時小女孩問外婆：“姥姥，她也嫁到北京了？”
外婆說：“是呀，這個阿姨也是象妳媽媽壹樣嫁到北京了！”
小女孩突然急著說：“啊？她不是嫁給我爸爸吧？”
尋求適合講給女生聽的笑話老鼠：我現在正和蝙蝠談戀愛，以後孩子們就生活在空中，不怕妳們貓了。貓冷笑壹聲，指著樹上的貓頭鷹說：看見沒有，她已經懷上我的孩子了！