英語作文求更正，很多地方語法錯誤但是不想鬧出笑話，求幫忙改好點。需要加財富值或者哪裏看不清請告

English writing for many local syntax error correction, but don't want to make a joke, to help change a good point.

Need to add wealth value or where not clear please advise, thank you!!

Want to help me correct rate, please.