1 A little boy asked his father: Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?The father replied: I don 't know son. I 'm still paying!!壹個小男孩問他的爸爸，結婚要花多少錢？爸爸說：我不知道，因為我仍然在付帳。
2 A Sunday school teacher was telling her pupils the importance of making others glad. "Now, children," said she , "has anyone of you ever make someone else glad?"
"Please, teacher,"said a small boy,"I've make someone glad yesterday."
"Well done. Who was that?"
"My granny."
"Good boy. Now tell us how you made your grandmother glad."
"Please, teacher, I went to see her yesterday, and stayed with her three hours. Then I said to her, 'Granny, I'm going home,' and she said, 'Well, I'm glad'!"
壹個主日學校校(基督教教會為了向兒童灌輸宗教思想, 在星期天開辦的兒童班)的老師在對學生講使別人高興的重要性。“現在，孩子們，”她說：“妳們當中有誰讓別人高興過？”
“我，老師，”壹個小男孩說：“昨天我就使別人高興過。”
“做得好，是誰呢？”
“我奶奶。”
“好孩子。現在告訴我們，妳是怎樣使妳奶奶高興的。”
“是這樣的，老師。我昨天去看她，在她那兒呆了三個小時。然後我跟她說：‘奶奶，我要回家了。’她說：‘啊，我很高興！
3 Dick was seven years old, and his sister, Catherine, was five. One day their mother took them to their aunt's house to play while she went to the big city to buy some new clothes.
The children played for an hour, and then at half past four their aunt took Dick into the kitchen. She gave him a nice cake and a knife and said to him, "Now here's a knife, Dick. Cut this cake in half and give one of the pieces to your sister, but remember to do it like a gentleman."
"Like a gentleman?" Dick asked. "How do gentlemen do it?"
"They always give the bigger piece to the other person." answered his aunt at once.
"Oh" said Dick. He thought about this for a few seconds. Then he took the cake to his sister and said to her,"Cut this cake in half, Catherine.".
迪克年齡七歲，他的妹妹凱瑟琳五歲。壹天，媽媽把他們帶到姨媽家去玩，自己就到大城市去買些新的衣服。
孩子們玩了個把小時，在四點半的時候，姨媽領著迪克走進了廚房。她交給迪克壹塊精美的蛋糕和壹把刀子，並對他說：“喏，迪克，給妳刀子，把這塊蛋糕壹切為二，給妳妹妹壹塊。不過，妳得記住要做得像壹個紳士那樣。”
迪克問：“像壹個紳士？紳士怎樣做呢？”
他姨媽馬上回答說：“紳士總是把大的壹塊讓給別人的。”
迪克說了壹聲“噢”。他對此想了壹會，然後，他把蛋糕拿給妹妹，並對她說：“凱瑟琳，妳來把這塊蛋糕壹切為二吧。”
4 Stan: I won 92 goldfish.
Fred: Where are you going to keep them?
Stan: In the bathroom 。
Fred: But what will you do when you want to take a bath?
Stan: Blindfold them!
斯丹：我贏了 92 條金魚。
弗雷德：妳想在哪兒養它們？
斯丹：浴室。
弗雷德：但是妳想洗澡時怎麽辦？
斯丹：蒙住它們的眼睛！
5 George knocked on the door of his friend's house. When his friend's mother answered he asked, “can Albert come out to play? ”
“ No,” said the mother, “it's too cold. ”
“ Well, then, ” said George, “ can his football come out to play ? ”
喬冶敲著他朋友家的門。當朋友的媽媽來應門時，他問：“阿爾伯特可以出來玩嗎？ ”
“ 不行， ” 那位媽媽說， “ 天氣太冷了。 ”
“ 噢，那麽， ” 喬冶， “ 他的足球可以出來玩嗎？
出國必備英文日常用語
▲Potluck Party 壹種聚餐方式，主人準備場地和餐具，三加的人必須帶壹道菜準備飲料，最好事先問問主人的意思。
▲Pull over!把車子開到旁邊。
▲Drop me a line!寫封信給我。
▲Give me a ring. = Call me!來個電話吧！
▲For here or to go？食堂或外賣。
▲cool; Thats cool! 等於國內年輕人常用的囗語“酷！”，表示不賴嘛！用於人或事均可。
▲Whats up? = Whats happening? = Whats new? 見面時隨囗問候的話“最近在忙什麽？有什麽新鮮事嗎？”壹般的回答是“Nothing much!” 或“Nothing new!”
▲Cut it out! = Knock it out!= Stop it! 少來這壹套！同學之間開玩笑的話。
▲Dont give me a hard time! 別跟我過不去好不好！
▲Get yourself together! 振作點行不行！
▲Do you have the time? 現在幾點鐘？可別誤以為人家要約妳出去。
▲Hang in there. = Dont give up. = Keep trying. 再撐壹下。
▲Give me a break ! 妳饒了我吧！（開玩笑的話）