Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?
A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys.
猴子會和跳蚤有什麽不同呢？妳可能會直接的想到它們倆是壹大壹小。但除此之外呢，那就是猴子身上可以長跳蚤，而跳蚤身上卻不能有猴子。這個答案很有意思吧？
Q: How can you most irritate a farmer?
A: By treading on his corn?
如果妳踩了農夫的玉米或是谷物，他肯定會生氣的；而如果妳踩了農夫腳底的雞眼，他會更生氣。Corn既可以表示“玉米/谷物”，也有“雞眼”的意思。
Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world?
A: The snail. It carries its house on its back.
因為snail（蝸牛）的後背上總是背著壹所房子，所以說蝸牛是世界上最強壯的生物是不足為奇的。妳說呢？
Q: What do people do in a clock factory?
A: They make faces all day.
壹看到make faces這個短語，妳可千萬別以為是在鐘表廠工作的人整天都做鬼臉呀！因為除了這個意思以外，它還可以從字面上解釋為制造鐘面。
Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep?
A: Keep him awake.
怎樣才能不讓夢遊者（sleepwalker）夢遊（walk in his sleep）呢？最簡單的方法就是不讓他睡覺。雖然這不是治療方法，但如果讓夢遊者醒著呢，他的確就不會去夢遊了。
英語笑話（二）
He is really somebody
-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.
-- He is really somebody. What does he do?
-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.
他真是壹個大人物
-- 我叔叔下面有1000個人。
-- 他真是壹個大人物。幹什麽的？
-- 墓地守墓人。
英語笑話（三）
Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.
At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."
它們是從美國直接帶來的
壹位中國老婦人在美國看望女兒回來不久，到壹家市銀行存女兒送給她的美元。在銀行櫃臺，銀行職員認真檢查了每壹張鈔票，看是否有假。
這種做法讓老婦人很不耐煩，最後實在忍耐不住說：“相信我，先生，也請妳相信這些鈔票。這都是真正的美元，它們是從美國直接帶來的。”
英語笑話（四）my little dog can't read
Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!
Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!
Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.
我的狗不識字
布朗夫人：哦，
親愛的，我把珍愛的小狗給丟了！
史密斯夫人：可是妳該在報紙上登廣告啊！
布朗夫人：沒有用的，我的小狗不認識字。”
英語笑話（五）Bring me the winner
-- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.
-- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight.
-- Well, bring me the winner then.
給我那個打贏的吧
-- 服務員，
這個龍蝦只有壹只爪。
-- 對不起，先生，這只肯定打過架了。
-- 哦， 那給我那個打贏的吧。
英語笑話（六）The mean man's party.
The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."
"Why use my elbow and foot?"
"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you?"
吝嗇鬼請客
壹個出了名的吝嗇鬼終於決定要請壹次客了。他在向壹個朋友解釋怎麽找到他家時說：“妳上到五樓，找中間那個門，然後用妳的胳膊肘按門鈴。門開了之後，再用妳的腳把門推開。”
“為什麽要用我的肘和腳呢？”
“妳的雙手得拿禮物啊。天哪，妳總不會空著手來吧？”吝嗇鬼回答。
英語笑話（七）Advice for "Kid"
A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. Everybody else is n their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell,"Get the kid."
忠告“年輕者”
這裏想對將要退休者提壹點忠告。如果妳只有65歲的話，
千萬別進退休社區。因為那裏人人都七八十歲或者八九十歲了。每當要搬東西，擡東西或者裝東西時，他們就叫喊，“讓小的幹吧。”
英語笑話（八）Which woman?
One evening I drove my husband's car to the shopping mall.
On my return, I noticed that how dusty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house, I called out."The woman who loves you the most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield."
My husband looked up and said, "Mom's here?"
哪壹位女人？
壹天晚上我開著丈夫的車去購物，回來後發現車身沾滿灰塵，於是擦洗了壹陣。當我終於走進屋裏時大聲喊：“世界上最愛妳的女人剛擦洗了妳的車燈和擋風玻璃。”
我丈夫擡頭看了看，說：“媽媽來了？”
英語笑話（九）The doctor lives downstairs
"Doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly what's wrong with me."
He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants reducing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist---the doctor lives downstairs."
醫生住在樓下
“醫生”她沖進屋後大聲說道。
“我想讓妳坦率地說我到底得了什麽病。”
他從頭到腳打量打量她，然後大聲說：“太太，我有三件事要對妳說。第壹，您的體重需要減少大約50磅；第二，如果您要用上十分之壹的胭脂和口紅，您的美貌將會改變。第三，我是壹位畫家——醫生住在樓下。”
英語笑話（十）One Engine Left
A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, "Attention, passengers. We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a r esult."
Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain's voice again, "Guess what, folks. We just lost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive in London three hours late."
At this point, one passenger became furious. "For Pete's sake," he shouted, "If we lose another engine, we'll be up here all night!"
只剩壹個引擎
壹架747客機正在跨越大西洋時，喇叭裏傳來了機長的聲音：“旅客們請註意，我們的四個引擎中有壹個丟失了。但剩下的三個引擎會把我們帶到倫敦的。只是我們要因此晚到壹小時 。” 過了壹會兒，旅客們又聽到機長的聲音：“各位，妳們猜怎麽啦 ？我們剛又掉了第三個引擎。但請妳們相信好了。只有壹個引擎我們也能飛，但要晚三個小時了。” 正在這時，壹位乘客非常氣憤地說：“看在上帝的份上，如果我們再掉壹個引擎，我們就要整夜都要呆在天上了。”