大學英語小笑話短文：All In the family
都在這壹家
Eight-year-old Sally brought her report card home from school .
八十歲大的 莎莉從學校把她的成績報告卡帶回家。
Her marks were good mostly .
她的成績不錯，
A's and a couple of B'S .
大部分都是A，還有幾個B。
However ,her teacher had written across the bottom,
可是， 她韻老師在卡片下方寫道：
"SALLY is a smart little girl,but she has one fault,
?莎莉是個聰明的小女孩，但是她有壹個毛病。
she talks too much in school.I have an idea I am going to try,
她在學校太愛講話。我有壹個想法我要來試試看，
which I think may break her of the bad habit."
我認為.這個想法可能會讓她改掉這個壞習慣。?
Sally's dad signed her report card,
莎莉的爸爸簽了她的學習報告卡，
putting a note on the back ,
並在卡片背面註記：
"Please let me know if your idea work on SALLY
?如果妳的想法對莎莉很有效，請妳讓我知道，
because I would like to try it out on her mother."
因為我想要把它試用在她媽媽身上。
大學英語小笑話短文：If only
倘若
A man is driving up a steep,narrow mountain road .
有個男人駕著車沿著壹條又陡峭又窄小的山路往上開。
A woman is driving down the same road .
有個女人沿著同壹條路往下開著車。
As they pass ench other ,
當他們彼此錯車時，
the woman leans out of the window and yells"PI!!"
這個女人斜靠著車窗向外太喊：?豬!?
The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "BITCH!!"
這個男人立刻也斜靠著他的車窗向外大聲響應：?臭女人.!?
They each continue on their way ,
他們各自繼續開車上路，
and as the man ronds the next corner ,
當這個男人繞到下壹個轉彎處的時候，
he crashes into a pig in the middle of road .
他競撞上了在路中央的壹只豬。
If only men would listen.
倘若男人會聽話就沒事了。
大學英語小笑話短文：The visit to the doctor
拜訪醫師
A Man asked his doctor if he thought he'd live to be a hundred .
壹個男人問他的醫師是否認為他會活到壹百歲。
The doctor asked the man ,"Do you smoke or drink ?"
醫師問這個男人：?妳抽煙或喝酒嗎?
" No ,"he replied , "I have never done either ."
他回答說：?不，我從不抽煙喝酒。?
" Do you gamble,drive fast cars ,and fool around with woman?" inquired the doctor .
醫師問說：?妳xx、開快車、玩女人嗎?
"No,I have done any of those things either."
?不，我也從不幹那些事情。?
"Well then," said the doctor ," what do you want to live to be a hundred for?"
醫師說：?那妳幹嗎要活到壹百歲呀?