旁白：It was war periods time, the war among different countries seemed endless.
Every kings or ministers tried to find some supermen to work for them——to be the
killing tools for their political purposes. As time goes by, it was becoming a
fashion to feed some good men at home……
This is a crazy world. In the crazy world, there are the crazy people, trying
to show the crazy history by the crazy way.
第壹幕：Conspire(密謀)
太子丹（上，嘆氣）：Ying Zheng,that bad guy,treats me even worse than before.Resorts to
lots of persons in his hand,he never cares about me ---the most sensible prince
under the sun.Recently,he has got much more cities from my hands.How can I live
if these things happen again(急)。 Hey!! I must think out a good idea. I must make
him know who I am.(向幕裏大叫)Where is my minister? (大臣阿三上)Indeed, tell me what shall
we do now?
阿三：（畢恭畢敬）Just keep calm,please!Let me
see!（盤坐在地。兩手在頭上畫畫如壹休）（旁外音：當當當，砰！！）（阿三起）Ok,I get one,we can sent a hero to put
Ying Zheng to~~~（作殺狀）Then, all the beauties,jewelries and cities in Qing is
ours~~~ （淫笑）太子與阿三作流口水狀.
太子：Ha, ha~~~. Good idea,Good idea!But do you think who we can sent?
阿三：I have thought about it, we can send Xi Men Chui Xue .He is traveling in
our country these days. I think we can’t lose the chance. We must employ him
quickly.
太子：Well, deal with the things as soon as possible.
第二幕：tournament (比武)
西門吹雪（上臺，擺出壹幅酷式，手壹張，壹條紙帶隨風而下）
西 門 吹 雪
（Xi Men Chui Xue）
身高：190cm
Height: 190cm 最愛幹的事情：聊qq
Favorite doing: chatting
戰鬥力：無限
War power: endless 最愛的顏色：黑色
Favorite color: black
武器：長劍
Weaponry: long sword 最愛喝的飲料：啤酒
Favorite drinks: beer
血型：O
Type of blood: O 最崇拜的人：小燕子，******
Favorite idol: Xiao Yanzi Mao Zedong
Today I came here for the fighting, who is the unwanted-life guy. Stand
out.
荊軻（抖嗦而上）站在壹邊，不敢出大氣。
旁白：Competition begins.
荊軻（帶劍沖向西門吹雪，半途停住）Are you really Xi Men Chui Xue?
西門吹雪：Just come on.
荊軻：（又沖，停在西門吹雪面前）Are you sure you are really the Xi Men Chui Xue in the
story?
西門吹雪：（不耐煩）what a boring man! How dare you ask me such a stupid question?
荊軻（環視四周見無壹人，便跪在西門吹雪面前，大哭）My hero, I admire you just like the yellow river,
never endless. I have eighty-year-old mother up, three-year-old boy down. Please
don’t kill me. Give me the life, please!
西門吹雪（大怒）I thought Jingke is a hero. But you beg for life. How can I forgive
you? Give me your life. (舉劍刺向荊軻，忽然，捂住自己的肚子，自語) Maybe I ate too much this
morning, Maybe there is something wrong with the rice. (擡頭) where is the toilet?
荊軻：T-o-i-l-e-t-?
西門吹雪：WC.
荊軻：W-C-?
西門吹雪：（急）茅廁！！Are you happy to hear such rude words?
荊軻：I know, I know. Turn left, left and left.
西門吹雪下。
太子丹與阿三上，看見荊軻，大吃壹驚，太子丹給阿三壹個眼色，阿三會意。走至荊軻前。
阿三: What’s your name, please? Hero.
荊軻不屑壹顧。
太子丹（畢恭畢敬）May I have your name, please?
荊軻從兜裏掏出壹卷紙，上面寫著：
寧 在 花 下 死， 作 鬼 也 風 流。
Even dying under the flower, Also happy as a ghost.
——快活魔王荊軻是也
Happy prince of the gost
太子丹（抱拳）：How do you do
荊柯：How do you do.
荊柯突欲走，太子丹給阿三壹個眼色。
阿三：Hero, wait for a moment. I have a problem which needs your help。
太子丹：You can gain a lot of things.
荊柯欲走又止。
太子丹(從衣兜裏掏出壹張卡片): Here is a card for traveling all over the world for free,
please accept it please, hero.
荊柯正準備拿，但馬上又止，轉身又欲走
太子丹（慌了）：I must use the last way. Ladies and gentlemen. This is Miss
Huang!
旁白：“大世界”響起
有壹妖艷女子走上（男扮女裝），走到荊柯面前，給荊柯拋了壹個眉眼。荊柯兩眼發直。
太子丹與阿三（擊掌）Yeah!
荊柯（站直，厲聲道）：Great man, both born and die for his motherland. I am not the guy
who just wants money and beauty. What shall I do? Prince, just say it out. But
this lady……
太子丹：No problem.
第三幕：Say goodbye in Yishui River(易水別)
荊珂挽著那女子，太子丹在後，阿三壹手拿著地圖，壹手拿著人頭上。
阿三：We have already reached Yishui River.
荊珂：Please just stop here. Goodbye.
太子丹：Hero, Let me see you off a little further
荊珂：What a boring guy. If you walk a little further, then you will go to Qin
instead of me
太子丹：Well. Goodbye. Hero. Here is the map and the head of Fan Yuqi, so as to
get trust of the king
荊珂（接過頭，扔在壹邊。太子丹，阿三下，荊珂猛抱住妻子）：How can I express my feeling now? I don’t want
to leave because I love you. Once I think I will kill Yingzheng . I can’t help
rushing into W.C. you known. I don’t want to go. I don’t want to go.
妻子：Don’t worry. Do you still love me?
荊珂：Sure. I love you just like the mouse likes the rice. I love you more than
my own life, more than my wife, more than the whole world. You are the one I
first kissed, and I hope you will be the last one.
妻子：Well. If you are still loving me. You should not make me sad Stand up like
a man. Don’t be fearful. I will be right here waiting for you.
荊珂：You must wait for me.
妻子努力擠出幾滴眼淚，
旁白：”I will be right here waiting for you” 響起
荊珂上船，漸漸遠去，（歌落）
妻子：Hey！ You want to come back, use your pig head, if you come back, the
assurance that I bought about you will no use. Go to your doom. Never come back.
(下)
第四幕：murdering (刺秦).
壹大臣跑在前，壹大臣緊隨其後，跑了壹圈，便上氣不接下氣。
大臣甲（掏出手機壹看）：Hey, bad luck. I am late. The bonus of this month has been
lost.
大臣乙：I am tired. I had been chatting on QQ until 1 o’ clock last night.
大臣乙（看了壹下大臣甲）：Good. Good. Your skin is fine.
大臣甲：I use “ Da Bao” everyday.
大臣乙：I have heart the emperor of Yan again give our king some good things. Be
quick, to have a look.
大臣甲：Come on
秦王上座，兩個大臣各坐壹邊。
衛兵丙：“Can we begin？”
秦王“begin”
衛兵丙：“Let the people of Yan， Jingke come in”
荊柯上。跪下，嚇得直發抖。
秦王：“Jingke. What’s wrong with you？”
荊柯：“Nothing. Nothing. May be there are lots of fleas on my body “.
秦王（不煩）：What’s the good things， quickly！”
荊柯獻圖，圖窮匕首見，荊柯舉刀刺秦，（旁白：Go Go Go Only Only響起）秦王摔倒，轉身逃跑，其他人抱頭趴在地上。
兩個人圍著大臣兜圈，過了壹會兒……
大臣甲喊道：“Mr King, drink the milk
quickly!”扔了壹奶壺，秦王接住，咂了壹下，頓時，力大無比，立刻將荊柯打倒在地。
秦王:Super rubbish, how dare you kill me?
荊柯:I'm sorry I'm wrong But the prince of Yan told me to。 Please forgive
me!
秦王：You will never live again. What would you like to say?
荊柯：My lovely lady， Once there was a truest love put before my eyes ,but I
didn't cherish it. Only after losing it .I found myself regretting. No pains in
the world comes near this, if God Could give me another chance, I would say to
the girl “I love you! “If there had to be a limit of time before the end of
love. I hope it would be ten thousand years.
秦王（吼道）：Soldiers carry out and put the pig head on the wall!!
第五幕：Escape（逃跑）
二個衛兵拖著荊柯上，（手腳以被綁）將荊柯扔到壹邊。二人氣喘籲籲，甲搜身。
衛兵甲：Bad luck. He has no money.
衛兵乙：Money? You are joking! I have searched all his body, just two socks.
衛兵甲:What? Two socks?
衛兵乙:Nothing. Nothing. (回頭)Too dangerous.
衛兵甲:Put the socks out.
衛兵乙L極不情願，拿出了壹雙大小不壹的襪子
衛兵甲看了看，比了比。將長的裝進了自己兜裏，短的扔給了衛兵乙。
衛兵乙：Too brazen. (兩人互看)Oh,no.It’s fair.
荊柯（擡起頭）：I will give you much more money if you set me free.
二衛兵：Really? Where is the money?
荊柯指了指腳上的繩子。二衛兵會意，解開了繩子。
荊柯（站起來）：My brothers, I have a good idea. If you do it,you will get lots of
money.
二衛兵：Oh,please tell it to us!
荊柯:You can tie another person instead of me to put to death. Only the king
recognizes me but he won’t watch my death. So no one will find out the secret.
二衛兵：Good idea!!(豎指)
荊柯去壹邊的樹林裏，拿出兩袋錢，扔給二衛兵便大步而去。二衛兵正指著錢，忽衛兵丙推自行車上。
二衛兵（雙目相視，大笑，同聲）：Good!!
兩人壹把抓住騎車人，只往下拉，車子扔在地上。
衛兵丙：What have I done? I haven’t done anything wrong. Oh,no no!!! Have I
crime?
二衛兵（異口同聲）：Maybe.大笑.(Yesterday once more 起)